Automotive Humor

 
Below are some supposed postings from blogs specific to certain makes of car. 
This is good for a few laughs--as long as you don't take anything personally!
 
 
Bentley Forums
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have
a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forums
-Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
-Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
-Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Suburban forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where can I get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo!

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm
from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't ever pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA batteries?

Ferrari forums
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia. Want to get in and out
REALLY fast.

Porsche forums
- Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted fender and need to replace it.

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her stink hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court.
How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Mini forum
- Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie
company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee
stains out of the leather?

Dodge Minivan forum
- Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where
I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the
black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
-Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Wal-mart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah
truck?

Vette Forums
-Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel?
 


 
 

Along this line, here's a well-circulated list of what cars say about their owners:

Acura Integra- I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legend -I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX- I am impotent.

AMC Gremlin- I could only afford three-fourths of a Hornet.

AMC Marlin- My father wouldn't buy me a Camaro.

Audi 80- I thought the 4000s was too fast.

Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Austin-Healey 3000- I can put raw meat on the transmission hump and have a well done steak by the time I arrive anywhere.

Buick Electra- Hey, it's 30-year old technology. But it's GOOD 30-year old technology.

Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Buick Reatta- I like ugly, impractical, boring cars.

Buick Riviera Convertible- I'm not very smart, and I look like it too.

Cadillac Cimarron- I am stupid enough to pay extra money for an uglified Chevrolet.

Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating the hell out of people.

Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Chrysler 5th Avenue- Did the pushpins come free with the headliner?

Datsun 280Z- I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Charger- Reliable is boring. My car is exciting.

Dodge Dart- I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ford Fairmont- (See "Dodge Dart")

Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol- I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45- I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse- I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6- I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Jeep Wrangler- I am fiercely independent, just like all my friends with Jeeps.

Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lexus (any model)- Look at me!

Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Lotus Esprit- Ever pay $2000 for a tune up? I do.

Mazda Miata- I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.

Mercedes SL500- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes SL55- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mercury Grand Marquis- (See "Ford Crown Victoria")

MGB- I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either.

Mitsubishi Eclipse GST- Why accelerate? Because you can!

Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.

Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Fury- I like driving an air-conditioned sofa that can carry your car in my trunk as a spare.

Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans Am- I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 911 Turbo- I have a three inch thingie.

Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Renault 2CV- I think your car is ugly too.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit too liberal.

Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic.)

Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

Triumph TR6- I am an amateur mechanic who enjoys a challenge.

Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet.

Volkswagon Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagon Cabriolet- I am out of the closet.

Volkswagon Jetta- I stopped smoking pot when I got a real job after college. I swear.

Volkswagon Microbus- I am tripping right now.

Volkswagon Rabbit GTi- My mom won't let me buy a Porsche 'til I finish Algebra.

Volvo 240- Other drivers are unsafe. Let me go ahead and pull out in front of this guy to slow him down.

Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife.  

Lol those are brilliant, some ring kinda true too!

I'm a Mini Cooper driver except I haven't crashed yet from trying to replicate the Italian Job! lol

Heh those were crazy!!
 
"I used the ash tray .. How do i replace it"

So true about the Fury. Definitely was a land yacht for sure.