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  • Total Posts: 17
  • Joined: 2/24/2006
  • Location: thurmont, MD
Business,Devotion,andConflict Fri, 03/17/06 11:37 PM (permalink)
Ive been in the restaurant bussiness in the last 25 years.The relationship Im in now Ive been in for the last10 years.The job Im at now Ive been there for several years. Soon after beginning my employment at this unique little place I was made into general manager.At this point we needed more help in the kitchen area,I went to my employer and encouraged him to hire my fiancee,so he did.About a month or so after being hired my fiancee was promoted to back of the house manager.Moving fordward everything is going smoothly.Now its 2 years later,and the ghastly adventure begins.Every morning I wake up I prepare myself for the gibe of the day.Truley this is daily 24-7!It has become a very horrendous at work and home.Im lazy, Im sit on my *** all day at work and home Im a worthless mom,poor excuse for a boss, and on and on.He (my fiancee) does everything he can to denounce me in front of my employees.I cant involve my employer in this matter.He (the employer) is very satisfied with both our performance and does not want to lose either one of us. Between me and my fiancee we make over a 100,000 a year and neither one of us wants to leave. This situation has become very unbearable what should I do?

    • Total Posts: 6695
    • Joined: 8/15/2005
    • Location: columbus, oh
    RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Fri, 03/17/06 11:42 PM (permalink)
    Get into some type of counseling, QUICKLY.

    Is there another location of this place where one of you can be transferred to with the same position?

    Clearly, something has to change.

    I also would encourage a sit down with all three of you..

    And another scenario...
    Fire his ass if you are the GM...He sounds like he is on a power trip, and maybe after your job.
    I do feel for you being in this position.
    I will elaborate more in an email if you want to email me.
    I think it is best to discuss something like this thru email instead of posting it all for the whole world to see.
    Your BF may be on here also without you knowing.

      • Total Posts: 250
      • Joined: 11/16/2005
      • Location: emmitsburg, MD
      RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Sat, 03/18/06 8:18 AM (permalink)
      Where do you live? If your a GREAT cook I have an opening,email me.

        • Total Posts: 1555
        • Joined: 3/29/2004
        • Location: chicago, IL
        RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Sat, 03/18/06 11:18 AM (permalink)
        Originally posted by drsmoke02

        Where do you live? If your a GREAT cook I have an opening,email me.
        I thought you were the cook.

          • Total Posts: 2935
          • Joined: 5/26/2004
          • Location: Mountain Top, PA
          RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Sat, 03/18/06 12:10 PM (permalink)
          You make money to have a good life, not the other way around; you don't live to make good money. You're seeing the income as the goal and clearly it is not.

          I'm not qualified to tell you how to proceed. My guess is that you already know the answer and don't like it. I wish you well with your choices, be brave.

            mayor al

            • Total Posts: 15064
            • Joined: 8/20/2002
            • Location: Louisville area, Southern Indiana
            • Roadfood Insider
            RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Sat, 03/18/06 7:55 PM (permalink)
            This note is probably poorly timed for your issue, but maybe it will assist someone who could be facing a similiar situation in the future.

            I had a fellow I worked with Many, Many years ago tell me...." You never get your Honey, where you get your Money".

            A couple of years after that my former spouse (who was then my spouse) was hired as a teacher in the same school I worked in. It was a disaster. We never were able to resolve anything. School problems were argued at home. Home problems were a hassle while we were on the job. We stayed together for a long time after that period, but eventually divorce was the only solution to our problems. I do believe that one of the contributing factors to our split were those years where we had to work together on the job as well as at home.

              • Total Posts: 2429
              • Joined: 6/17/2005
              • Location: Kannapolis area, NC
              RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Mon, 03/20/06 9:39 AM (permalink)
              It's just going to get worse. Been there, done it and have the T-shirt.

                • Total Posts: 5546
                • Joined: 8/4/2005
                • Location: Crofton, MD
                RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Mon, 03/20/06 10:45 AM (permalink)
                If you want to stay together, get counseling. If not, keep doing what you're doing. Lovers CAN work together. My wife and I do it. Sure, we argue, but we get the work done, and we always feel closer after a successful project. You need to draw the lines of work and relationship very clearly. Son't confuse them. But, counseling can help the relationship at home and help to separate the work you and the home you. The laziness is a sign of depression and/or anxiety. It's common for stressful situations and ongoing problems. It will only get worse if you don't get help or can't work it out between you two.
                Good luck.

                  RE: Business,Devotion,andConflict Thu, 03/23/06 12:06 AM (permalink)
                  Maybe smoke and jeepguy should make a movie - Brokeback Kitchen.

                  This relationship is over, fire him and save your job or move on. Your efforts got him gainfully employed and you have to put up with his insults in front of your employees? You have let this escalate into a showdown. He is unprofessional and out of control. I lost a girlfriend/partner (to alcohol) but I saved the business and my employees. She's been married twice since and is currently in rehab.
                  I wish better times for you.
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