Cause of Stroke discovered!

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Tedbear
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2006/01/06 09:30:17 (permalink)

Cause of Stroke discovered!

Yes folks, that eminent scientist, Pat Robertson, has apparently discovered the real cause of strokes. While commenting about the massive hemorhagic stroke that was suffered by Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, Robertson announced that it was a case of Divine Intervention. Since Sharon had "divided" Israel by forcing the Gaza Israelis to move, God had stricken Sharon, stated Robertson.

The stroke apparently had nothing to do with Sharon's morbid obesity, the hole that was recently discovered in his heart, or the fact that he had recently been given massive doses of blood thinners as a result of a previous stroke that had resulted from a clot. Aren't we lucky to have this new scientific knowledge?

Previously, Robertson had informed us that the cause of the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks on NYC was the presence of "women's libbers and homosexuals" in NYC. This opinion was supported by that other eminent authority on political affairs and terrorism, Jerry Falwell. Later, Robertson expanded his areas of expertise to include Meteorology, and he confirmed for us that Hurricane Katrina had devasted New Orleans as a result of the sinners in that city.

And, how does Mr. Robertson know all of these things, in the realms of both medicine and in politics? That is because God speaks to Robertson regularly!

We are truly lucky to have someone like this who hears voices and who shares the words of those voices with us.
#1

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    Greymo
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 10:15:50 (permalink)
    In my opinion, you have posted this bit of crap in the wrong forum.
    #2
    seafarer john
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 10:20:13 (permalink)
    Surely, the word of god cannot be out of place in any forum.

    Cheers, John
    #3
    berndog
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 10:56:05 (permalink)
    I also talk to G-d regularly, and He told me this morning that Pat Robertson was full of it, and that He has never spoken to him or suggested the crazy idea's that Robertson expounds.

    As for proper forums, He suggested "Miscellaneous, off topic and lighter fare" as the proper place for these posts.

    Seriously, I think that if G-d did talk to us directly, he would express great dismay at the mayhem, anger, and killing that takes place because of different religious beliefs and cultures.
    #4
    Tedbear
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 11:04:06 (permalink)
    Well, actually I did contemplate whether to post this in "Off Topic & Lighter Fare" or in "Roadfood News". Since this new revelation means that nobody has to worry about their diet or their weight in connection with Stroke Prevention, I reasoned that this was truly newsworthy--especially for those who have an abiding interest in food.
    #5
    mayor al
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 11:54:29 (permalink)
    While I understand your reasoning, Tedbear, The underlaying theme burns through, so Off it goes to the "Misc. Catagory" before someone has their feeling hurt for not allowing their posting on some topic to remain at the top of the Sausage Forum.
    I think Robertson is the Supreme Being's way of showing Man how foolish someone can be.
    #6
    tiki
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 12:36:08 (permalink)
    I always figured that if the Supreme Being needed to get a message to me he/she/it wouldnt need a messenger service from someone that was at least as flawed as i was! I wonder,what transgression will be the cause of Mr Robinsons sorrows?--Can we say "Holier then thou"??
    #7
    Scorereader
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 13:08:41 (permalink)
    I smell something fishy...


    no seriously, somethings fishy around here....oh, damnit! Someone reheated fish in the microwave again!

    sick!
    #8
    redtressed
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 13:30:56 (permalink)
    We keep worrying about catching and frying up zealots like Osama Bin Laden........I suggest looking closer to home and friccaseeing(sp?) some catch like Pat and Jerry
    #9
    MilwFoodlovers
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 14:26:34 (permalink)
    You may want check out page 5 in this Mad magazine preview
    http://www.dccomics.com/media/excerpts/5054_x.pdf
    #10
    BuddyRoadhouse
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 15:33:30 (permalink)
    Now, I'm no Biblical scholar. I'm sure there are specifics here that I've either missed or gotten wrong. But I believe the general concept stated is sound and I welcome anyone who truly knows better to correct me. What y'all need to understand is that although Pat is a flaming nut job, he doesn't just pick these things arbitrarily. Oh no, it's much more insidious than that. See, what I've read is that in order for the Second Coming to occur, Scripture must be fulfilled in that the Jews occupy Israel in general and Jerusalem in particular. According to Pat's way of thinking Mr. Sharon's actions are a deterrent to Jesus coming back for a visit. By extension of all this "logic", the support that the Christian right has shown for Israel is a sham. Their motivation is pure selfishness; trying to steer history in order to fulfill the prophecy.
    #11
    seafarer john
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 17:20:41 (permalink)
    Right on, Buddy, one guy has already bred a pure white calf to fulfill scripture and he claims it has been approved by whoever it is that speaks for god. OH, I'm on my way...

    cheers, John
    #12
    Fieldthistle
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 17:23:53 (permalink)
    Hello All,
    It's a scary world out here. We've had doctors performing worthless lobotomies and authorities of God performing
    gruelling exorcisms, both in the name of healing. There are people who speak words like, "cracker, nigger, kite,
    spick, wet-back" and all the other digusting epithets in the privacy of their homes or among people that they assume
    think like they do, and we have those in ivory towers who do not live in the trenches and cannot understand the frustrations of
    living in a hard world and how it can put mud on your shoes. Some believe a president is a saviour because we go to war, and
    others think he is a father of murder because he chose war rather than other avenues of political pressure. I could go on and on
    giving examples of how screwy everything is.
    But that would be just my point of view.
    Pat Robertson is just a man. He has done good, he has done bad. His offensive words that he has recently spoken are heard
    because at one time he was given creedence.
    I feel sorry for him. He reminds me of Saul, who was once called by God, but for whatever reason, lost his calling. I think
    he has just gotten old and thinks he has the right to be right, needs to right and heard in order to affirm his existence.
    Please understand, I do not wish to defend or judge Pat Robertson.
    I am proud of my faith, Christianity, and respect all of creation, which definitely includes all other faiths and sciences.
    In my faith, there is a principle that God is Love. God is Love, and there is no way around it. So people that put on the
    cloak of God or dare say they speak in the name of God, but promote ideas that fail the test of love, are still in the struggles
    of growth. That means ALL OF US. Thank God, that means all of us. But we can learn the art of love.
    At the same time, to those that much is given, much is expected. Those who have power on our attention and dollars can only maintain their position by producing good fruits or by creating an atmosphere of fear. Their success or failure is up to us.
    Take Care,
    Fieldthistle
    p.s. I apologize for being so lenghty.




    #13
    Southern Fried
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 18:24:11 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by BuddyRoadhouse

    Now, I'm no Biblical scholar. I'm sure there are specifics here that I've either missed or gotten wrong. But I believe the general concept stated is sound and I welcome anyone who truly knows better to correct me. What y'all need to understand is that although Pat is a flaming nut job, he doesn't just pick these things arbitrarily. Oh no, it's much more insidious than that. See, what I've read is that in order for the Second Coming to occur, Scripture must be fulfilled in that the Jews occupy Israel in general and Jerusalem in particular. According to Pat's way of thinking Mr. Sharon's actions are a deterrent to Jesus coming back for a visit. By extension of all this "logic", the support that the Christian right has shown for Israel is a sham. Their motivation is pure selfishness; trying to steer history in order to fulfill the prophecy.


    The Bible promises in the latter days that the God of Israel will restore the Jews to the Land of Israel. For example, Deuteronomy was written around 1400 B.C. It tells that God will scatter the Jews all around the world. The Romans did that almost 2,000 years ago. But in the latter days, God promised to regather the Jews back to the land of Israel. Here is one of many prophecies that tell of this in the Bible.

    When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come upon you and you take them to heart wherever the LORD your God disperses you among the nations, and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the LORD your God will gather you and bring you back. He will bring you to the land that belonged to your fathers, and you will take possession of it. He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your fathers. (Deuteronomy 30:1-5)

    Many other Scriptures promise the restoration of Israel. Many Bible believers see the hand of God at work in current events in Israel and we believe that we should support the promises that God made to the Jews in the Bible.

    While some may have political motives, many Christians such as myself have no interest in politics. Our agenda is to serve the God of Israel. God’s covenant with the Jews and the land of Israel is very clearly stated in the Bible.

    And regarding your mention of the Second Coming, the Bible says that an evil world ruler (commonly known as the Antichrist) must first arise. So even if it were possible to hasten world events, the reign of the Antichrist would be next up, not the coming of the true Messiah.
    #14
    BuddyRoadhouse
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 20:13:55 (permalink)
    Thanks for the clarification Fried. I appreciate and respect your dedication to your beliefs and in no way wish to denegrate them. I hope I am inferring from your tone that you took no offense from my comments. They were directed at a small, mean spirited, cynical group who have lost sight of the core message of love that defines Christianity. These are people who would abuse the tremendous power of this great belief system for their own personal gains in the realms of wealth and power. These are people who, whether they know it or not, were Jesus to return during their lifetimes, would be the very ones trying to execute him. They are the Pharisees of our time; a corrupt religious group that has forgotten and strayed from the original intent of their faith's philosophy.

    As for the rise of the Anti-Christ, he may very well be in their ranks as we speak.
    #15
    seafarer john
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 21:06:16 (permalink)
    Fieldthistle and Southern Fried are fine people of faith and I'm here to apologize for having made light of their faith.

    Cheers, John
    #16
    roossy90
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 21:19:07 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by seafarer john

    Surely, the word of god cannot be out of place in any forum.

    Cheers, John

    Amen!
    #17
    Fieldthistle
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/06 21:32:12 (permalink)
    Hello All,
    Seafarer john, no need to apologize. I didn't feel you made light of my faith.
    It is good to be skeptical, discerning, and use humour when examining the claims
    and statements of anyone. The choir may sing the same song, but they don't sing
    the same notes. (does that make sense to anyone but me?) Anyway, John, thanks
    for reading my words and understanding my heart.
    Take Care,
    Fieldthistle
    #18
    Cosmos
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/08 08:37:54 (permalink)
    I'm just glad to know I can bulk-up on all the food and stress I want, as long as I don't mess with Israel.
    #19
    Tedbear
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 14:26:57 (permalink)
    By way of updating the original story, I submit the following article from ABC News--Australia:

    Sharon comments cost evangelist $50m deal
    By Middle East correspondent Mark Willacy

    Israel has cancelled a $50 million deal with US evangelist Pat Robertson, after he suggested that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was God's punishment.

    Israel's Tourism Ministry had planned to sign an agreement with Mr Robertson and other American evangelical leaders to build a Christian Heritage Centre in Gallilee in Israel's north.

    But the Jerusalem Post newspaper is reporting that Tourism Minister Avraham Hirchson has cancelled the signing.

    He says Israel is offended by Mr Robertson's recent comments in which the evangelist suggested Mr Sharon's stroke was God's punishment for dividing the biblical land of Israel.

    Mr Robertson has criticised Mr Sharon for pulling Jewish settlers out of the Gaza Strip.



    Since this story was not reported in the U.S. press (at least to my knowledge), it makes me wonder about possible censorship being carried out by Robertson's fellow travelers in the news media--perhaps like Rupert Murdoch. But, if Mr. Robertson is upset, I would like him to contemplate the following, from the Scriptures:

    As ye sow, so shall ye reap.
    #20
    Gizmolito
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 16:04:42 (permalink)
    Good update, Tedbear. I see it did make the NY Times about an hour ago:
    "We cannot accept these statements, and we will not sign any contracts with Mr. Robertson," a spokesman for Israel's Tourism Ministry, Ido Hartuv, said.

    The discussions on the tourism project were in an advanced stage, though contracts had not yet been signed, Mr. Hartuv said. Israel will continue to pursue the project, he said, adding that "other leaders of the evangelical community are most welcome to do business with us."
    #21
    Extreme Glow
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 18:50:40 (permalink)
    I would like to make a point that seems to be lost on a lot of people.

    Making fun of, or showing contempt toward, particular people does not necessarily imply the same to God, Jesus, or Christianity!

    Any mention of the sins of Christianity (committed by man, not God), e.g. The Inquisition, usually provokes an avalanche of hate from so-called religious people and cries of "why do you hate Jesus?" or some other non-sense. I don't hate God, I hate the acts of men that are performed "in the name of God". I have no problem with God, Jesus, Christianity, or any other religion for that matter. I do have a problem with some of the self-professed followers and "defenders" who, in my opinion, don't have a clue. I find Robertson, Falwell, and others of their ilk to be worthy of scorn and humor. Their behavior is usually that of hate-mongers, hypocrites, or simple idiots. Their idea of a vengeful God is not a form of Christianity that I am either familiar or comfortable with.

    Tedbear forgot to mention that Mr. Robertson condemned Dover, PA and the state of Florida and advocated the assassination of Chavez (although I tend to agree that he's a nutball).
    #22
    Extreme Glow
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 18:54:10 (permalink)
    Another amazing thing about Mr. Robertson is that he, and he alone, has correctly interpreted the will of God.

    All other interpretations are invalid.

    #23
    roossy90
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 19:00:52 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Extreme Glow

    Another amazing thing about Mr. Robertson is that he, and he alone, has correctly interpreted the will of God.

    All other interpretations are invalid.




    In his own world.....
    #24
    Tedbear
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 19:41:36 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Extreme Glow

    I would like to make a point that seems to be lost on a lot of people.

    Making fun of, or showing contempt toward, particular people does not necessarily imply the same to God, Jesus, or Christianity!

    Any mention of the sins of Christianity (committed by man, not God), e.g. The Inquisition, usually provokes an avalanche of hate from so-called religious people and cries of "why do you hate Jesus?" or some other non-sense. I don't hate God, I hate the acts of men that are performed "in the name of God". I have no problem with God, Jesus, Christianity, or any other religion for that matter. I do have a problem with some of the self-professed followers and "defenders" who, in my opinion, don't have a clue. I find Robertson, Falwell, and others of their ilk to be worthy of scorn and humor. Their behavior is usually that of hate-mongers, hypocrites, or simple idiots. Their idea of a vengeful God is not a form of Christianity that I am either familiar or comfortable with.

    Tedbear forgot to mention that Mr. Robertson condemned Dover, PA and the state of Florida and advocated the assassination of Chavez (although I tend to agree that he's a nutball).



    You have made a very cogent observation, and I want to point out a very similar situation on the national scene. Just as some people would like to portray those who criticize Robertson, Falwell, et al as being anti-Christian, we have a similar attempt at obfuscation of the issue in the realm of politics.

    Despite the fact that our nation was founded on the principle of protest, and despite the fact that we are guaranteed freedom of speech, press, and assembly, there are those who would attempt to characterize citizens who disagree with the current administration as being un-American. Just as people like Robertson defile the name of Jesus Christ through their self-appointed prophet status, those who consider outspoken Americans to be Un-American are themselves defiling the spirit of democracy as engendered in our Constitution and in our traditions.
    #25
    roossy90
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/11 19:52:48 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Tedbear

    quote:
    Originally posted by Extreme Glow

    I would like to make a point that seems to be lost on a lot of people.

    Making fun of, or showing contempt toward, particular people does not necessarily imply the same to God, Jesus, or Christianity!

    Any mention of the sins of Christianity (committed by man, not God), e.g. The Inquisition, usually provokes an avalanche of hate from so-called religious people and cries of "why do you hate Jesus?" or some other non-sense. I don't hate God, I hate the acts of men that are performed "in the name of God". I have no problem with God, Jesus, Christianity, or any other religion for that matter. I do have a problem with some of the self-professed followers and "defenders" who, in my opinion, don't have a clue. I find Robertson, Falwell, and others of their ilk to be worthy of scorn and humor. Their behavior is usually that of hate-mongers, hypocrites, or simple idiots. Their idea of a vengeful God is not a form of Christianity that I am either familiar or comfortable with.

    Tedbear forgot to mention that Mr. Robertson condemned Dover, PA and the state of Florida and advocated the assassination of Chavez (although I tend to agree that he's a nutball).



    You have made a very cogent observation, and I want to point out a very similar situation on the national scene. Just as some people would like to portray those who criticize Robertson, Falwell, et al as being anti-Christian, we have a similar attempt at obfuscation of the issue in the realm of politics.

    Despite the fact that our nation was founded on the principle of protest, and despite the fact that we are guaranteed freedom of speech, press, and assembly, there are those who would attempt to characterize citizens who disagree with the current administration as being un-American. Just as people like Robertson defile the name of Jesus Christ through their self-appointed prophet status, those who consider outspoken Americans to be Un-American are themselves defiling the spirit of democracy as engendered in our Constitution and in our traditions.


    Very Well said, Tedbear!
    #26
    Extreme Glow
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/12 20:00:29 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Tedbear

    quote:
    Originally posted by Extreme Glow

    I would like to make a point that seems to be lost on a lot of people.

    Making fun of, or showing contempt toward, particular people does not necessarily imply the same to God, Jesus, or Christianity!

    Any mention of the sins of Christianity (committed by man, not God), e.g. The Inquisition, usually provokes an avalanche of hate from so-called religious people and cries of "why do you hate Jesus?" or some other non-sense. I don't hate God, I hate the acts of men that are performed "in the name of God". I have no problem with God, Jesus, Christianity, or any other religion for that matter. I do have a problem with some of the self-professed followers and "defenders" who, in my opinion, don't have a clue. I find Robertson, Falwell, and others of their ilk to be worthy of scorn and humor. Their behavior is usually that of hate-mongers, hypocrites, or simple idiots. Their idea of a vengeful God is not a form of Christianity that I am either familiar or comfortable with.

    Tedbear forgot to mention that Mr. Robertson condemned Dover, PA and the state of Florida and advocated the assassination of Chavez (although I tend to agree that he's a nutball).



    You have made a very cogent observation, and I want to point out a very similar situation on the national scene. Just as some people would like to portray those who criticize Robertson, Falwell, et al as being anti-Christian, we have a similar attempt at obfuscation of the issue in the realm of politics.

    Despite the fact that our nation was founded on the principle of protest, and despite the fact that we are guaranteed freedom of speech, press, and assembly, there are those who would attempt to characterize citizens who disagree with the current administration as being un-American. Just as people like Robertson defile the name of Jesus Christ through their self-appointed prophet status, those who consider outspoken Americans to be Un-American are themselves defiling the spirit of democracy as engendered in our Constitution and in our traditions.


    Why do you hate your country?
    #27
    MilwFoodlovers
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/12 20:12:06 (permalink)
    Huzzah! Tedbear for President on the Common Sense Party ticket!
    #28
    EliseT
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/18 00:12:28 (permalink)
    Isn't this the same guy who said God was going to "call him home" if he didn't raise a certain amount of money awhile back?

    #29
    Fieldthistle
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    RE: Cause of Stroke discovered! 2006/01/18 06:13:10 (permalink)
    Hello All,
    Elise T., no, I believe it was Oral Roberts who was going to be called home.
    Take Care,
    Fieldthistle
    #30
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