Haggis

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dendan
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2003/11/11 09:12:15 (permalink)

Haggis

Haggis Poem - tongue in cheek!


Much to his dad and mum's dismay
Horace ate himself one day
He didn't stop to say his grace
He just sat down and ate his face
"We can't have this!" his dad declared
"If that lad's ate he should be shared"
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes
"Stop him someone!" Mother cried
"Those eyeballs would be better fried!"
But all too late for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong...
"Oh foolish child!" the father mourned
"You could have deep-fried those with prawns,
Some parsely and some tartar sauce..."
But H was on his second course;
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue
"To think I raised himn from the cot
And now he's gone to scoff the lot!"
His mother cried what shall we do?
What's left won't even make a stew..."
And as she wept her son was seen
To eat his head his heart his spleen
And there he lay, a boy no more
Just a stomach on the floor...
None the less since it was his
They ate it - and that's what haggis is

From: Monty Python's Big Red Book
Published by NTC/Contemporary Publishing
Publication date: September 1980
ISBN: 0809280477
(out of print)

#1

28 Replies Related Threads

    i95
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 09:51:23 (permalink)
    Moderator, please !! The subjects of haggis and road food should be mutually exclusive ! For the love of God, man !!!!!!
    #2
    scbuzz
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 10:09:58 (permalink)
    I don't know ... Haggis kind of reminds me of something you would find in the middle of the ROAD .... In South Carolina ... In August ..... on a 100 Degree day !!!
    #3
    M&M
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 10:28:30 (permalink)
    I was once told that all of the food in Scotland was "dare food". As in, "I dare ya' to eat this laddie!"
    #4
    Dipstick
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 11:11:46 (permalink)
    Well, no need to work late today as I won't be taking a lunch break! " /> That worked as one heck of an appetite suppressant.
    #5
    Rick F.
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 18:28:03 (permalink)
    Tried it once in Scotland. Our tour giude was asked what parts of the sheep were used in making it. He paused, reflecting, and said something like, "Well, I'm pretty sure they don't use any of the hairy bits." Brought some home, never dared open it.
    #6
    Michael Stern
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 18:38:16 (permalink)
    I believe this is what one calls "non-intestinal haggis" (ahh, such an appetizing name " />), meaning it is made in a crock rather than stuffed into kishkes. It is from a place called Nico's in Inverness, and I must say, I loved it! (Jane wouldn't touch it, or me...)

    #7
    Mayhaw Man
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/11 21:25:49 (permalink)
    If ever a culture needed strong drink, it is the Scottish.

    "Hoot mon, pass the bottle. She's got Haggis waitin' far me at home!"" />" />" />
    #8
    tiki
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/14 07:07:16 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Mayhaw Man

    If ever a culture needed strong drink, it is the Scottish.

    "Hoot mon, pass the bottle. She's got Haggis waitin' far me at home!"" />" />" />


    ROFLMAO!!
    #9
    i95
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/14 10:18:03 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by tiki

    quote:
    Originally posted by Mayhaw Man

    If ever a culture needed strong drink, it is the Scottish.

    "Hoot mon, pass the bottle. She's got Haggis waitin' far me at home!"" />" />" />


    ROFLMAO!!


    At last, a Mavericks fan !!

    #10
    cindyloo
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/14 10:22:32 (permalink)
    I have a friend who was born and raised in Glasgow. She never had an opportunity to try haggis until she moved to the US.
    #11
    marberthenad
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/14 21:29:55 (permalink)
    Our honeymoon was in Scotland and I often ate haggis, but with a strong drink. Organs, done right, can be quite tasty.
    #12
    Rick F.
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/15 01:28:09 (permalink)
    quote:
    (Jane wouldn't touch it, or me...)
    Given that, and the comments about organ meats above, I ain't gonna touch that line at all!
    #13
    Paul J
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/23 01:31:23 (permalink)
    Hey guys - newbie here...

    In point of fact, good haggis, such as the stuff my father sells, is madfe of prime lamb mince, oatmeal, pepper, and that's it. A sight healthier, in other words, than the average hotdog.

    With heavily buttered mashed neeps and tatties [turnip and potato], or a good homemade Yorkshire pudding, haggis ranks up there with kedgeree as one of the most comforting meals on the planet.

    Cheers;

    Paul
    #14
    tiki
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/23 08:59:20 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Paul J

    Hey guys - newbie here...

    In point of fact, good haggis, such as the stuff my father sells, is madfe of prime lamb mince, oatmeal, pepper, and that's it. A sight healthier, in other words, than the average hotdog.

    With heavily buttered mashed neeps and tatties [turnip and potato], or a good homemade Yorkshire pudding, haggis ranks up there with kedgeree as one of the most comforting meals on the planet.

    Cheers;


    Paul


    So Paul,where does your dad sell this---I'll eat that!
    #15
    Paul J
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    RE: Haggis 2003/11/24 21:04:34 (permalink)
    quote:
    So Paul,where does your dad sell this---I'll eat that!


    Ummm... Scarborough, I'm afraid. The one in England, that is, not the one in Maine.

    Bit of a long way to go for your groceries.

    However, if you really feel like treating yourself, you could always try:

    http://www.scottishgourmetfood.co.uk/

    (Usual disclaimer here - this firm has nowt to do with me)

    Their black pudding looks pretty good, too: I recommend slicing it thinly, then frying in a little butter with apples [Pippins or Bramleys, for preference] chopped longitudinally into sixteenths.

    Problem is, of course, that they don't advise shipment of this stuff outside the EC, but since this is Cockburn's haggis we're talking about, no risk is too great. And, if you go for the insulated hamper option, you should be fine.

    Cheers;

    Paul
    #16
    Ort. Carlton.
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/02 22:30:40 (permalink)
    Dearfolk,
    Looks like sort of a cross between bagpipes and livermush, if you ask me. (Well... maybe more like goetta....)
    Tart An' Lively, Ort. Carlton in Neepless, Tattieless Athens, Georgia.
    P. S. Did Beatnik Scotsmen live in plaid pads?
    P. P. S. A good single malt - a nice "salty" one like my favourite, Isle Of Jura - would help ease that right down.
    P. P. P. S. Dendan - I do not recommend serving slaw with haggis. By the way - seriously, for once - thank you mightily for your poem. The Spanish Inquisition arrives shortly, y'know.
    #17
    dendan
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/03 09:08:32 (permalink)
    Ort - I know your feelings about slaw! HAppy to add a different bend to topics from time to time.
    #18
    Rick F.
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/03 09:39:52 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Paul J

    Hey guys - newbie here...

    In point of fact, good haggis, such as the stuff my father sells, is madfe of prime lamb mince, oatmeal, pepper, and that's it. A sight healthier, in other words, than the average hotdog.

    With heavily buttered mashed neeps and tatties [turnip and potato], or a good homemade Yorkshire pudding, haggis ranks up there with kedgeree as one of the most comforting meals on the planet.

    Cheers;

    Paul
    So where does he sell this ambrosia? I'll risk it!
    #19
    scbuzz
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/03 11:09:00 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by clothier

    Haggis. Lutefisk. What's next?


    I think its time for a nice friendly discussion on chitlins !!!!

    or some other tasty organ meat !!!!
    #20
    Grampy
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/03 12:00:08 (permalink)
    From what I know of haggis, it was probably the reason for the invention of single-malt Scotch -- and plenty of it.

    One should quote the old saw, "Organ meats are simply offal!"
    #21
    Ort. Carlton.
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/03 21:54:47 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by scbuzz



    I think its time for a nice friendly discussion on chitlins !!!!



    Dearfolk,
    Chitterlings? Boiled or fried? I'll take 'em either way, or both, if given the opportunity.
    Out Testinally, Ort. Carlton in Offally Supplied Athens, Georgia.
    P. S. I don't like slaw with my chitlin's.
    P. P. S. The abbreviation "chitlin's" is not incorrect: the apostrophe is because the "g" is eliminated. (I won't say how.)
    P. P. P. S. When I renewed my driver's license, they asked me if I wanted to be an organ donor. "Those are pretty expensive," I mused. "May I be a piano donor instead?"
    #22
    i95
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    RE: Haggis 2003/12/04 07:44:05 (permalink)
    BTW, and I know I'm only making the situation worse with this reply, but how the Hell has the subject of friggin' Haggis remained a "recent forum topic" on this site for so long ??
    #23
    bartl
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    RE: Haggis 2013/09/15 22:02:59 (permalink)
    Bringing the forum back to life: I ate at the Argyle in Kearny, NJ last week (I had a coupon that was on the verge of expiration). I will admit that, being Jewish and growing up with calf''s tongue, kishka (the real thing, now apparently illegal in the U.S.) and chopped liver (the answer to the oft-spoken question, "What am I?"), and a lover of lamb, mutton, and sheep's milk cheeses, I've read the description of haggis, and have gone "OK, OK, not bad, I can eat that", well at least until the last part: boil it. Now, I can eat all those organ meats, but I still wince when I remember Grandma's boiled chicken. Boiling is a way to make meat as disgusting as possible, and haggis doesn't need all that big a push. I was willing to try haggis, but there was only so much I was going to pay for the privilege. Well, it seems that Argyle has altered its menu, and they now serve haggis in an appetizer portion (so far, so good), and it is formed into balls and deep fried. Well, the same Grandma used to say that you could deep fry an old boot and it would taste good, and there she had it pretty much right. So I figured, OK, the one part that I found winceable was gone, and ordered the "Scottish Oysters".
     
    Not bad. First of all, it was deep fat fried in balls, as I mentioned before, always a good start. The predominant flavors were liver, oats, and dessert spices; my palate said a hint of clove, but recipes I have said specified nutmeg, mace and allspice, and it was sufficiently delicate that I might have been off. The texture was a little coarser than chopped liver, but all in all, I would say that if you like chopped liver, fried things, and warm dessert spices, and the three together doesn't sound bad, you'll like their haggis (I had fish and chips too, paying the $3 extra for cod; it was $3 well spent. It appears they make everything to order, so be prepared to wait. And wait. And wait).
     
    Bart
    #24
    mar52
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    RE: Haggis 2013/09/15 22:41:05 (permalink)
    Bart, I'll take kishke any time offered.  I love my kishka!
    And ghockte laber  (sp???)  MANNA!
     
    L'shana Tovah
     
    But... no haggis for me.  My parents came back from a trip to Scotland and said that when they walked in to the dining area they had to leave because of the haggis aroma.  I believe them because they eat and like P'Cha.
    #25
    mar52
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    RE: Haggis 2013/09/15 22:45:51 (permalink)
    Bart, one more thing...
     
    Did your grandmother cover all her destroyed dishes in paprika?
     
    Did she cook the unlaid eggs that she found inside the chicken in chicken soup?
     
    Thank you for evoking memories of my Bubbie. 
    #26
    myterry2
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    RE: Haggis 2013/09/16 07:16:30 (permalink)
    i95...agree with you completely.
    #27
    bartl
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    RE: Haggis 2013/09/16 20:59:35 (permalink)
    She really didn't destroy any dishes; other than the boiled chicken, she was a great cook. Unfortunately, she refused to give any cooking instructions to my mother (or her sister-in-law) and her recipes passed away with her.
     
    We were in New York; I don't recall unlaid eggs in chickens.
     
    Bart
     
    mar52 Bart, one more thing...

    Did your grandmother cover all her destroyed dishes in paprika?

    Did she cook the unlaid eggs that she found inside the chicken in chicken soup?


    #28
    mar52
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    RE: Haggis 2013/09/16 21:50:10 (permalink)
    My grandmother cooked things to death and then sprinkled it with paprika.
     
    Her matzoh ball soup was the best.
     
    Sinkers!
    #29
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