Headlines from the year 2029:

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sizz
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2006/03/01 21:48:01 (permalink)

Headlines from the year 2029:


Headlines from the year 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
Massachusetts executes last remaining Conservative.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban
cigars can now be imported legally, but President George Y. Bush's
Fundamentalist Right Wing Christian Party have banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays
only.

Results of 85-year - $75.8 billion study show: Diet and Exercise
is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (Hmmmmmmmmm)

Texas executes last remaining Liberal.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals and terrorists violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must
be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
#1

34 Replies Related Threads

    Scorereader
    Sirloin
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 10:18:06 (permalink)
    For some reason, in 1980, the year 2000 seamed really far away in time.
    And it was only 20 years.

    The year 2029, though 23 years away, just doesn't seem that far off in the future.

    Besides, I'm not so daunted by the future, especially after we make it safely through the "Y2K" fiasco.

    #2
    sizz
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 11:23:06 (permalink)
    quote:
    stevencarry Posted - 03/02/2006 : 03:51:30
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    .......Wait a second.. that was a number one pop hit in 1970 by Zager and Evans "In the Year 2929" check it out (and I don't think we had tofu then and in fact Willow Glen was it's own incorporated city..and not part of San Jose)


    Willow Glen became its own municipality in 1927, but its independence was short lived: The city decided to unincorporated and voted to become part of San Jose in 1936 It was Willow Glen that wanted to become part of San Jose and not the other way around.

    Here is more 2029 news
    San Rafael, CA has annexed San Quentin Prison and immediately released all prisoners as a gesture of liberal compassion. San Rafael residence took up a collection and bought bus tickets to Oakland for each prisoner, not wanting the prisoners to linger and become part of San Rafael's community. San Rafael's mayor Steven Carry said that the old prison would be converted into a University of Isms, teaching Liberalism, Socialism and Snobism along with a vocational course for the communities many pot-smoking discarded children. This course will consist of a two week relaxed learn as you go vocational training in the art of Hot Tub maintenance.
    Mayor Carry said since back in 2009 when President Hillary Clinton declared that all illegal Mexicans are now US Citizens there has always been a shortage of Hot Tub maintenance people. Carry also added that he hoped the new illegal Talaban immigrants would take advantage of the lack of lawn care and hot tub maintenance people in his Marin County community.
    #3
    Dipstick
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 11:45:21 (permalink)
    I absolutely love this! You're right on target!
    #4
    octopus
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 13:15:31 (permalink)
    Newsbreak - 2029
    The Amexican Institute of Advanced Liberal Indoctrination AKA The thought Police have released that after 25 years of in depth research they have created a device to monitor all citizens thoughts. This device implanted into the new IPOD Quark the device will alert the A.I.A.L.I. of any negative passing thoughts of the slightest bit of dislike for any one except of course the now endangered species of the white male conservative this notification will result in immediate revocation of your universal health care card as well the donation of your social security towards reducing the $150 Quadrillion national debt.
    In other News all literature, art and music and historical books have been revised eliminating any remnants of individual thought, achievement or competition, thus resulting in the true Liberal Ideal, Socialism.
    #5
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 13:49:28 (permalink)
    fp, that's funny but sorry Hilary has no chance. I just wonder though where our home grown Taliban boy who gets out of prison in about 15 years fit in. Will he be a Taliban rights attorney like his father ?
    #6
    Scorereader
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 16:40:33 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by octopus

    Newsbreak - 2029

    In other News all literature, art and music and historical books have been revised eliminating any remnants of individual thought, achievement or competition, thus resulting in the true Liberal Ideal, Socialism.


    Remind's me of the movie Demolition Man. All restaurants had been named Taco Bell in the future. And you got fined for swearing.

    #7
    octopus
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 17:17:44 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by Scorereader

    quote:
    Originally posted by octopus

    Newsbreak - 2029

    In other News all literature, art and music and historical books have been revised eliminating any remnants of individual thought, achievement or competition, thus resulting in the true Liberal Ideal, Socialism.


    Remind's me of the movie Demolition Man. All restaurants had been named Taco Bell in the future. And you got fined for swearing.




    I Love that movie. "you are fined 1 credit"
    #8
    Vince Macek
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/02 17:56:12 (permalink)
    March 2, 2029 - Harold J. Spiegelman of Nyack, New Jersey is identified as the last living liberal. A Fox News poll shows a majority surveyed believe the Greater Mideast War, now in its 26th year, the foreclosure of America by ChinaCorp, and the melting of Mt. McKinley to be due entirely to Harold J. Spiegelman of Nyack, New Jersey.

    On the lighter side, Mardi Gras festivities kick off today in New New Orleans, Tennessee.
    #9
    MikeS.
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/03 01:45:07 (permalink)
    Jan. 1st 2029:

    Today marks the first day of the New World Order. The Earth and Mars is now under one cental gov't based in Beijing, of what used to be China.
    Mao, Mao, Mao tse Tung


    MikeS.
    #10
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/03 01:54:38 (permalink)
    How come we partied like it's 1999 in 1984 but not 1999, I say it's time to party like it's 2029
    #11
    sizz
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/03 10:46:45 (permalink)
    quote:
    stevencarry Posted - 03/03/2006 : 01:54:38
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    How come we partied like it's 1999 in 1984 but not 1999, I say it's time to party like it's 2029


    Steve last night I did go to a 2029 party.......... how very boring it was, I had sex with 15 people who's gender was obscure to the point I didn't know which end was up "what's the use?". I know I swore off recreational drugs but I had to take a "downer" just to get my pants back on. and even then it was difficult to get into a cab.
    What ever happened to the good old days back in 2016 when you had sex with just 5 or 6 people and you even knew there names.............. Going home that night I thought what's the use of taking my longevity pill? I'm getting a little tired of being 146 years old. it's just not fun anymore. Perhaps I'm just getting old.
    #12
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 03:31:10 (permalink)
    Maybe that's the problem with BT. He doesn't think we're funny anymore. He's no fun. He keeps talking about the San Francisco Shopping Center, well when I drive him down to Santana Row and show him what this century looks like he'll cheer up especially with a drink on the roof of the Hotel Valencia.
    #13
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 03:43:20 (permalink)
    Dear Frank, Your thesis on history/future seems flawless except (and excuse my ignorance) France being taken over by Jamaica. I don't get it. Haiti,or an African country yes but what is the rastafarian connection?
    #14
    BT
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 03:53:11 (permalink)
    quote:
    Originally posted by stevencarry

    Maybe that's the problem with BT. He doesn't think we're funny anymore. He's no fun. He keeps talking about the San Francisco Shopping Center, well when I drive him down to Santana Row and show him what this century looks like he'll cheer up especially with a drink on the roof of the Hotel Valencia.


    Not enough fog down there. The dry air and sunshine aren't good for me.
    #15
    sizz
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 11:41:18 (permalink)
    quote:
    stevencarry Posted - 03/05/2006 : 03:43:20
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Dear Frank, Your thesis on history/future seems flawless except (and excuse my ignorance) France being taken over by Jamaica. I don't get it. Haiti,or an African country yes but what is the rastafarian connection?

    Steven:
    I am perplexed by your puzzlement, namely Jamaica's invasion of France. I sense you to be a Berkeleyite and wonder where you were during the compulsory class "Overthrow your Government 101"
    I nether have the patience nor the desire to bring your education up to pare with that of BT's.
    I will give you a few clues for you to answer your own question.....Six out of ten Jamaicans are Rastafarians ...... the Jamaicans believe that Haile Selassie's last dyeing wish was that because all of France's coffee was imported from Ethiopia the universal term "French Roast Coffee" be changed to "Ethiopian Roast" and in the mind of a Rastafarian invasion of France was the only way to bring that change about and also invasion of France was, and still is easy.
    #16
    BT
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 12:50:40 (permalink)
    Frank: I didn't know any of that and I have a friend who was doctor to some of Haile Selassie's family. Live and learn.
    #17
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 15:14:52 (permalink)
    Frank, I know what a good roast is. It's the roasting process not the original product.

    i.e. 1. coffee 2. me.
    #18
    MilwFoodlovers
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 15:44:23 (permalink)
    Thoughtful Chinese (formerly known as Americans) secretly mourn the 33rd year since a President was elected honestly by the voting majority.
    #19
    ellen4641
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 16:34:39 (permalink)
    "by the year 2030 ALL humans will be required to register for the "body ID computer chip"........it is an easy, relatively painless insertion into the arm, and serves for identification purposes.
    #20
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/05 21:03:11 (permalink)
    Mon. Mar 6, 2029
    U.S. Government anounces they are breaking up the monopoly of A.T.& T. into
    regional baby bell phone companys. Old folks claim "deja vu" but don't know why. Radical historians claim it already happened 50 years ago but are quickly discounted.
    #21
    sizz
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/08 18:03:28 (permalink)
    quote:
    stevencarry Posted - 03/05/2006 : 15:14:52
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Frank, I know what a good roast is. It's the roasting process not the original product.

    i.e. 1. coffee 2. me.


    Steven .
    it all depends on you! are you looking for the "Origin Character" of your coffee or is it just "Roast Character"....... Starbucks/Peet's and poor coffee like Folgers all roast to the point where the Roast Character is what you'll be tasting. If that is your idea of a good coffee it then really doesn't matter where your coffer comes from or even the grade of the bean. .................. Your coffee will taste the same year after year crop after crop any country region will do it will all taste the same.............
    Me, I roast my own green coffee beans and I, like a wine snob love coffee for it's varietal and Origin Character......... I'll roast my coffee to bring out these flavors. and will never bring my coffee to a dull burnt taste of say a French roast or Italian........... If you buy coffee for its distinct origin qualities, it makes sense that heavy roasting is at odds with revealing the full effect of the differences we can sense in coffee due to distinct origins.................. So that said.....
    I believe it's the Origin of coffee not the roast that is important
    #22
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/08 18:21:00 (permalink)
    Listen Mr.Coffee you have already forgot how this started. It was you "roasting me" and saying how french roast was going to become etheopian roast because that is where it came from. The thing was fiction.

    Answer me this Mr.Coffee, If it's a known fact that light roast has more caffiene and dark kills flavor, tell me why to me French or Italian are the only roasts that have any flavor and are the only to give me a buzz?
    #23
    MilwFoodlovers
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/08 19:32:15 (permalink)
    I too roast my green coffee beans. I happen to find Ethiopian Harrar roasted to a light city color to be my favorite coffee in the world. We go to Jamaica every year and bring back Blue Mountain (already roasted) but I look forward to my Harrar. http://www.sweetmarias.com/coffee.africa.ethiopia.html I use both a Zach and Dani coffee roaster and my trusty Whirleypop (popcorn) roaster.
    I've met many interesting Rasta's on my many visits and had some great discussions but religion (theirs) is one topic on which I'll quickly change the subject. Jah Rastafari! I just don't get it.
    #24
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/08 19:45:21 (permalink)
    Is somebody smokin' somem. This was the satire/fiction page and either you two got me fooled again or one of you should start a home roasting thread because I'm curious if anyone else roasts their own coffee.
    #25
    MilwFoodlovers
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/08 20:07:24 (permalink)
    A Whirleypop can be had for less than $20 bucks. Great beans for less than $5. Freshly roasted coffee has so much complexity it's hard to drink store roasted coffee. There was thread a bit back but it fizzled out. I didn't intend to hijack this thread but it seemed to have run its course when you two started in on the coffee The Sweet Maria's site has detailed roasting info but I imagine there are others out there.
    #26
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/08 20:27:02 (permalink)
    Hey coffee man is Kona coffee any good or is it just marketing ploy. I never cared for it but always found out later what I had was 10-40 pct Kona which is nonsense so I wouldn't know what it's like.
    #27
    sizz
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/09 00:16:02 (permalink)
    stevencarry MilwFoodlovers

    Talking Coffee sure sounds good to me and I would love to join you on that subject. I'm right in the middle of packing and will be leaving for Las Vegas in 10 hours I still have to pack, get some sleep and all that jazz........ when I get back in 6 days lets get together here and get a coffee thread going again ...............
    Very briefly.......... Ethiopian Harrar roasted to a full city is 33% of my espresso blend
    Blue Mountain and Kona are just a tourist thing something to buy as a souvenir. The two are not even close to being a serious coffee. Most of it is phoney stuff and most likely a cheap Brazilian commercial coffee. ........... see you later, I'm off to the NASCAR races in Las Vegas...
    #28
    stevencarry
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/09 00:32:59 (permalink)
    Ten hours to get ready for a 45 min. trip, I thought you were into coffee?
    Travel tip, get a 24 hr bus pass to get from the airport, and use it on the double deckers that run up and down the strip and buses all over the valley. Same thing coming back. (BT says you're cheap, or maybe says he's cheap I forget)
    PS, sorry for the advice, for all I know you're in the Gumball Rally or Cannonball Run and are driving your NASCAR down
    #29
    sizz
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    RE: Headlines from the year 2029: 2006/03/09 00:54:45 (permalink)
    quote:
    stevencarry Posted - 03/09/2006 : 00:32:59
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Ten hours to get ready for a 45 min. trip, I thought you were into coffee?
    Travel tip, get a 24 hr bus pass to get from the airport, and use it on the double deckers that run up and down the strip and buses all over the valley. Same thing coming back. (BT says you're cheap, or maybe says he's cheap I forget)


    lol...................... Harrah's limo will pick Linda and I up at the airport...thank-you very much !!!
    and back and forth from the race track. and VIP seats in there enclosed air conditioned suite...........
    BT is definitely the cheap guy in our west coast bunch........ imagine he spends 5 days in NYC the Jewish Food Capital of the World and what does he eat every freekin day??? $0.50 Chinese dumplings.......... geeeeeez He even passed up the $0.75 cent hot dogs at Gray's Papaya. Wait till we get him to pick up the bill at a joint on Santana Row........... lol
    #30
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