MikeS.
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Total Posts:
5172
- Joined: 7/1/2003
- Location: FarEasternPanhandle, WV
- Roadfood Insider
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Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all
talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most
beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest
person in the world."
So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World
Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking
deliriously happy.
"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now
officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly
confused and says,
"Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?"
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skylar0ne
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Total Posts:
473
- Joined: 9/10/2003
- Location: Salisbury, NC
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Good one Mike! Can you solve this riddle?
You are riding on a beautiful white horse. On your left side is a drop off. On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion. In front of you are four large gazelles which won't get out of your way and you can't seem to overtake them. Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
(scroll down)
Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.
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biker jim
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Total Posts:
383
- Joined: 12/23/2006
- Location: denver, CO
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I'm sure you all know the 3 rules of comedy by now.
Rule #1
Toilets are funny.
Rule #2
Dead people...not funny.
Rule #3
Unless they were killed by a toilet.
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MikeS.
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Total Posts:
5172
- Joined: 7/1/2003
- Location: FarEasternPanhandle, WV
- Roadfood Insider
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Biker Jim, A note on #3.
I knew a guy that was about 50 who took his 7 year old daughter with him to K-Mart. He left her out in the hall while he went to the bathroom. After quite awhile she got up the nerve to ask someone to check on her dad. They found him dead on the toilet.
I kid you not.
#3 not always funny. But yeah most of the time.
MikeS.
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ocdreamr
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Total Posts:
1092
- Joined: 3/12/2003
- Location: Wilmington, NC
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quote:Originally posted by MikeS.
Biker Jim, A note on #3.
I knew a guy that was about 50 who took his 7 year old daughter with him to K-Mart. He left her out in the hall while he went to the bathroom. After quite awhile she got up the nerve to ask someone to check on her dad. They found him dead on the toilet.
I kid you not.
#3 not always funny. But yeah most of the time.
MikeS.
Mike, an Uncle of mine was also found this way. The EMT's told my Aunt that it was not uncommon. Sometimes the discomfort caused by heart failure makes people think they need to go! Thus they are found on the john.
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Davydd
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Total Posts:
5632
- Joined: 4/24/2005
- Location: Tonka Bay, MN
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Wasn't Elvis found that way?
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MikeS.
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Total Posts:
5172
- Joined: 7/1/2003
- Location: FarEasternPanhandle, WV
- Roadfood Insider
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I thought Elvis was found on the floor near his bed. ???
MikeS.
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John A
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Total Posts:
4295
- Joined: 1/27/2006
- Location: Daytona Beach, FL
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I thought he was near the john.
John
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Davydd
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Total Posts:
5632
- Joined: 4/24/2005
- Location: Tonka Bay, MN
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Sundancer7
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Total Posts:
12476
- Joined: 7/18/2001
- Location: Knoxville, TN, TN
- Roadfood Insider
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I am a Elvis fan but I believe Elvis was on the John. Obviously the strain was too much.
Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN
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V960
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Total Posts:
2429
- Joined: 6/17/2005
- Location: Kannapolis area, NC
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A sad thing, well maybe not, but many people die straining for a bowel movement and over stressing their heart. BTW Elvis was on the throne when he passed but his passing was mainly due to modern chemistry.
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buffetbuster
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Someone I know through work died at his business while sitting on the toilet. He was only 34, with three small kids and a fourth on the way. How bizarre and sad!
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LuckyLabrador
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Total Posts:
583
- Joined: 2/6/2007
- Location: Green Valley, CA
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quote:Originally posted by Sundancer7
I am a Elvis fan but I believe Elvis was on the John. Obviously the strain was too much.
Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN
Trying to pass 500, peanut butter, banana, bacon, sandwiches, would be! 
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MilwFoodlovers
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Total Posts:
2924
- Joined: 3/31/2001
- Location: Milwaukee, WI
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Have you heard about the new strain of bird flu?
Its name is chirpese.
Its a canarial disease.
Apparently its untweetable.
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Bushie
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Total Posts:
2896
- Joined: 4/21/2001
- Location: Round Rock, TX
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quote:Originally posted by MilwFoodlovers
Have you heard about the new strain of bird flu?
Its name is chirpese.
Its a canarial disease.
Apparently its untweetable.
Now THAT'S funny!
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MikeS.
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Total Posts:
5172
- Joined: 7/1/2003
- Location: FarEasternPanhandle, WV
- Roadfood Insider
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You guys are too much! I like it!
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Scorereader
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Total Posts:
5428
- Joined: 8/4/2005
- Location: Taxation Without Representation Land
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quote:Originally posted by MikeS.
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all
talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most
beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest
person in the world."
So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World
Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking
deliriously happy.
"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now
officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly
confused and says,
"Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?"
From the AP: LA: Rosie O' Donnell, recently let go from The View over a contract dipute, is planning to reboot her acting career by appearing as a guest performer on the show "Nip/Tuck." When asked about the amount of her contract with Fox Television, Rosie O'Donnell rubbed her fingers together and commented, "Cha-Ching-Chong."
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