Humorious, at least I think so...

Dumb Stupid Dumb...

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a
fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her
that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became
indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and
returned the money again. I gave her the money back again...same scenario! I
departed the store with the $46.64.

................They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail.



I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I
handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy
one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess
they're both free" She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

................They Walk Among Us and Many Work R etail.



One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted,
"Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

................They Walk Among Us!



While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction
was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every
morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained
that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and
said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."

................They Walk Among Us!!



I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call
from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him,
"The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is
that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh,
Pacific."

................They Walk Among Us!



My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt
if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

................They Walk Among Us!



My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted
10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times
10% and gave us a 20% discount.

................They Walk Among Us!



I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost
luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smile d
and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in
good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"

................They Walk Among Us!



While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He app eared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4
pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it
into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

................Yep, They Walk Among Us!



They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and WORST OF
ALL...................................they VOTE!

Subject:Dear Tide...


Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all
of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I
am in my fifties, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white
blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me
about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the
neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on
my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach
alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came
out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by
yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then
my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in
the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a
murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write to the Hefty bag people....

> Subject:Paul Harvey
>
> Something to cheer you up.
>
>
> Always thought there was something going on!!!!
>  
> Perhaps we do need to protect our southern border, after all wasn't
> this area part of the territory we gained from Mexico following the
> U.S. War with Mexico.
>
>
> Subject: From Paul Harvey's "The Rest of the Story"  --- Check the
> dates!
>  
> Many will recall that, on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed an
> unidentified object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and
> cattle ranch just outsideRoswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known
> incident many say has long been covered up by theUnited StatesAir
> Force and the federal government.
>  
> And now the rest of the story.  What you may NOT know, is that in the
> month of March 1948, exactly nine months later,George W. Bush,Dick
> Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld,Bill O'Reilly,Rush Limbaugh,Condoleezza Rice,
> and Dan Quayle were all born.
>  
> See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

I would have bought ten cases of beer.

quote:

Originally posted by Poverty Pete

I would have bought ten cases of beer.

That would have been a sweet deal!

Recently staying in INDY at a hotel which shall remain nameless, our room phones didn't work so I went to the front desk to inform them. The girl at the counter said, "Why didn't you call us?" I said, "Because the phones don't work!" DUH!

Larry,
If I were you I would be VERY CAREFUL when dealing with your wife about spilled wine. The wording in the letter to the TIDE people in the post above on this thread sounds a bit like her choice of words !! Better Safe than Sorry (or worse)!
AL

Those are funny! A few weeks ago at work something similar happened. I was at outside at work when i said to a co-worker- Hey Jim! a UFO! He lifted his glasses, looked up and said where? A bright sunny day. It was pretty funny.

Being from Niagara Falls, we get a lot of these people visiting in the summer time.

One asked me what time they start dumping the colored water over the Falls. They also ask when we shut off trhe Falls at night. Or they can't figure out if they are in Ontario or New York. Or worry that they don't speak Canadian.

My favorite was a Japanese tour guide who stopped their tour bus in the South End about 2 blocks from the Falls and asked a NFNY police officer how to find the Falls - the officer replied, "You mean you guys were able to find Pearl Harbor in the middle of the Pacific and can't find the Falls in Niagara Falls?"

Now, THAT IS FUNNY! Ok, so when do the Canadians turn off the falls? Before or after the colored water?

My brother came south to visit me in NC. He drove with his left arm rested on the sill of the window. Of course, he got a bit of a sun burn on his left arm. He said, "that's ok, the other arm will get the sun on the return trip."
We had a big laugh. He still hasn't lived that one down.

Time to bring this thread back for a new addition!!This list has been to Australia and back via emails, so I am not sure of the publishing date or claim...but it is funny!

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

quote:

Originally posted by MikeS.

Dumb Stupid Dumb...




They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce, and WORST OF
ALL...................................they VOTE!

And, they vote democrat!