Memorial day

It will be a sad day and a glad day for me. We had a memorial service for my wife on 3/11/07 at her church where she was Sunday School boss for about 10 years. Judi was cremated and she requested that we scatter her ashes in the Tennessee River directly behind my house. The river is only 25 feet from my deck. We are going to do that on Memorial day which was the date of our marriage in 1964.

I have invited the minister over to say a few very short words and afterwards we will be doing a grilled burger thing along with some Tennessee coleslaw, Tennessee baked beans, Tennessee collard greens, Tennessee macarroni salad and Tennessee Cherry baked pie.

I have invitede a few very personal friends for this event.

I think I will fire up the water smoker to do a pork shoulder also.

Due to convenience, I have bought all disposable utensiles.

Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN

Paul,
My mom requested the same thing.
That we scatter her ashes in the river where they used to keep their boat docked.
It was one of the hardest things that I have done.
My brother didnt/couldn't do it, so I had to.
It was an odd feeling watching her drift away.....
Many thoughts were going thru my mind.....
My heart will be with you.

My thoughts will be with you Paul. I know how difficult it has been for you.

I lost my husband of 26 years, 10 years ago, on Father's Day. His ashes are interred at West Point, and the girls and I have a simple service planned, for his memorial. We were stationed there for 4 years, and married there, so lots of memories.

My heart is still heavy, and I wish I can say it gets easier. I try to focus, with my girls, on the wonderful memories of their father, and he was a wonderful one to them. 2 years ago, I walked my oldest down the isle, at her wedding. Her Dad should have been there for that.

Your service, and menue items are perfect and ones I believe your wife woould have enjoyed. Keep her in your heart. Her soul will alway remain close.

I will be thinking of you and your daughter. Blessings and peace.

Sundancer, what a nice and wonderful thing to do. I'm sure getting together w/friends and family will help lessen the grief. Also, nice to hear that you are staying ture to TN food (TN slaw, TN baked beans, etc.). GO BIG ORANGE!

What about some Tn whiskey to help ease tha pain?

My best to you Sundancer.

MikeS.

Paul, I appreciate, admire and respect your openness concerning Ms. Judi. Each of us likely deal with these issues from time to time. You are setting a worthy example for all who listen concerning dealing with your grief, adjusting and moving forward as I'm confident Ms. Judi would want you to do.

Ole Rouxdog

I am sorry as I did not mean this to be a negative post. I am getting along just fine, just a tad lonely though.

Memorial day will be a fine day with some grilled burgers and other food Tennessee style.

Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN

My memorial day is filled with family traditions.

I have a refrig full of Peonys in milk jugs (Damn Ants), on Memorial Day I will visit 4 family burial places and place 2 jugs of peonys at each family stone.

It is a tradition that I took over from my Grandmother when she took ill and could no longer continue. I look forward to the doing this each year.

After I return to the house, I too will fire up the grill & get the butt off the smoker.

Paul,

I will think of you this day and will place some of the peony blossoms in the stream that runs near here. I can only imagine your feelings. Hang in there, we are right here if you need us!

We made the trip to the cemetery in Ohio where my parents are buried last Saturday. Last year we planted some daffodils along the front of their headstone. This fall we will go back up and put in a couple of Iris (Magenta was Mothers favorite) at the corner of the stone.
No one in my family seems to pay much attention to a Memorial Day tradition like this, or like the one that CajunKing described. I think they are important and we will continue to attempt to establish this show of respect and caring as long as I am able.
Here in the rural area of Indiana there are many small family plots in isolated areas. These are not really 'cemeteries' in the true sense of the word, but plots of land that may have been at one time part of a farm or rural community church land. It gives me a good feeling to see a young family trimming the grass and putting Memorial Day flowers on an old headstone in one of those areas near us.

Alas, Memorial Day for me will only signify a much needed day of rest. Early the next morining I must again start my ignition and head off to Atlanta for yet another useless meeting & such that could really be accomplished with a conference call. 10 hours driving time, 2 nights in a motel, et.al. All for a 6 hour business conference. I want to thank the taxpayers of Georgia who will be paying for my little sojurn. Usually, the typical amount for trips such as this are around $600.00 or so. I have another "trip" scheduled two weeks later. It will only cost taxpayers around $400.00 for that one. But wait! In September I will be taking yet another trip. For this particular journey, the cost will probably be only around $1400.00 . In the meantime, as for my NEXT scheduled trip, I will be able to accomplish nothing at my place of business. My entire week has been shot except for one day. For those of you who may sometimes wonder why your state government is so slow sometimes to react to your inquiries...; well now you know.

ADJ: Do I sense frustration with the government world? I am glad I left the business world when I retired. The boss men seem to feel it was their responsibility and obligation to have meetings even when they were not necessary. I made countless trips to Philadelphia for unneeded meetings.

I will enjoy Memorial day in Knoxville with a few very close friends and a grilling experience and perhaps some light libation in celebration of my wifes life. Well, perhaps more than light libation

Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN

quote:

Originally posted by Sundancer7

ADJ: Do I sense frustration with the government world? I am glad I left the business world when I retired. The boss men seem to feel it was their responsibility and obligation to have meetings even when they were not necessary. I made countless trips to Philadelphia for unneeded meetings.

I will enjoy Memorial day in Knoxville with a few very close friends and a grilling experience and perhaps some light libation in celebration of my wifes life. Well, perhaps more than light libation

Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN

HA! That is only the tip of the iceberg.

Adjudicator, thanks for ruining my relaxing Memorial weekend! In fact you've ruined my dinner! TAX $$$$$$$$$$, Ching ching!
Truthfully, you didn't ruin my dinner, my lovely wife beat you to it! She is big time law enforcement here in Billy the Kid country of Lincoln County New Mexico. Get this tax ripoff..... She was required to attend an all day training session in order to be "qualified" to read a vehicle identification number (VIN) from an automobile! The "training" will be conducted tomorrow in Albuquerque which is a 300 mile roundtrip, plus an overnight hotel stay and meals, etc.
God bless us all!
Ole Rouxdog

Sundancer, my thoughts will be with you.

My father wanted to be scattered in the ocean. I'm not sure about your river, but the law here is you have to put the ashes in a biodegradable container - metal or wood. I put him in his old Makita drill box. He would have loved that. My sister-in-law, put the box in a large basket in a beautiful flower arrangement.

Watching those flowers sink, I was driven by the impulse to jump in after them, to not let him go. Then I heard a splash, and another. I stood up, and everyone yelled, "Give me your shoes! Hand me your purse!" And I jumped in. My brother and nephew had chosen to go for one last swim with him, and had worn trunks under their clothes. But I was just impulsive and wore a wet, black dress for the rest of the day (This was in January).

So, if you do put the ashes in a biodegradable container, I suggest you wear trunks under your clothes and remove your wallet, watch, etc just in case. IF you do not use a container, be very aware of the wind that day.

I'm sure she will be pleased that you are following her wishes.

All of our thoughts and prayers are with you Paul!

God bless

Paul,My Father died three years ago today,three days before he would have turned 83,he was a World War two and Korean Vet.
I now go to the Memorial Services at the Veterans Cemetery whereas I never did before and it is a awesome and moving experience.

I'll march in the local parade. Each year there are fewer WW 2 and Korea vets, and I expect that I will see some of them for the last time on Monday. One friend, a Marine Corps Vietnam Vet, will not be there, as he joined a National Guard truck company that was about to go to Iraq. I hope to march with him next year.

Paul, we have a similarly food-related way of remembering my dad. We don't do it every year, but his birthday was June 10, and he loved nothing more on his birthday than cheap grocery store bakery birthday cake and ice cream. So if circumstances cooperate on his birthday, a few of us stragglers get cheap birthday cake and ice cream and celebrate Bob's way.

It's been almost ten years now since he passed, and I remember having the distinct feeling not long afterward that he had sort of taken up residence in my chest--this very physical, comforted feeling, and it comes and goes but it's like I always have Dad nearby. So I hope that as much as you will miss her that you find that she's not so far away sometimes. I hope you have a warm and lovely Memorial Day.

Sundancer, I haven't forgotten your original message. We have digressed somewhat, hope you and Ms. Judi will endulge our conversation. Its all in honor of her and you. I shall be thinking of you. Jellybear, we have much in common, my father passed away 3 years ago at the age of 83.
MEMORIAL DAY, I'll proudly be at Fort Stanton National Cemetary here in southern New Mexico as a member of the American Legion, proudly firing an M1 rifle "21 gun salute" honoring the 1600 Veterans resting in peace on this beautiful mountain.
When I get back home, do a little grilling and enjoy a few beers. Think the honorees would would appreciate that!
Ole Rouxdog

Sundancer, I'll be thinking of you and say some prayers. My mother passed away in October; she and my father were married in 1958. So I have an idea of what this has been like for you. I know Judi will be smiling down upon you.

And Elise, what a nice story.

None of us are looking forward honoring Judi's wishes by tossing the ashesin the water. We have obviously had no practive at doing this. It will be attended about a dozen folks. I thought I would have each person say something humorous about Judi, have the minister say a short prayer and perhaps conclude with a song although I have no idea about what kind of song. I would like for it to be a happy song.

I have no idea about the etiquette expected by placing the ashes in the lake. I need some suggestions on that process also.

After this short ceremony, the grill and smoker will already be fired off. I am preparing my version of Tennessee coleslaw, my version of Tennessee baked beans, my version of Tennessee collard greens, maccaroni and fresh cucumber salad Tennessee style. Real fresh Grainger county tomatoes, Vidalia onions, kettle chips, mustard and mayo. All drinks will be parked in a cooler with ice and we are using disposable everything. We will be doing burgers on the grill and a pork loin or a bone in pork shoulder on the smoker.

Paul E. Smith
Knoxville, TN

This is not meant to be negative. When I put my Mother's ashes beside my Father it killed the grass. She was a tough old bird.

Usually do a big cookout for family, friends, employees, however this year, my two sons, my beautiful bride, and more importantly one of our young friends, who is home on leave, before he returns to Iraq for his 4TH TOUR, have convinced me to march in a Memorial Day parade. So I will parade in Virginia City, Nevada City, then it will be onto the VA Hospital in Reno to visit with our young and old heros.

I have always dealt with my 2 tours of SEA, courtesy of Uncle Sam, with the philosophy of, just keepin on, keepin on. So now I have these youngins' saying, "POPS, you have to let it out in order to let it go", young whipper snappers, the pricks, I quess out of the mouths of babes.

I dug out my old uniforms, they still fit, I was going to wear my dress, but my fatigues are more my style. Haven't unpacked these for almost 40 years, except for my boonie, which I wear a lot, as it is the most comfortable hat I own. The amazing thing is that this **** still fits. So we are going to do that, they are going to walk with me. The we we will stop at the Bucket of Blood Saloon for a couple of tomato beers, then go down the hill to Reno to the V A hospital. I know they want me to share stories, but that I won't do, not with them, don't do it at the VFW, won't do it with my family. Maybe at the VA, if I can hold it togeather.

PEACE - OUT.

Sundancer...

For the "etiquette", it is unique for everyone.

In general, the shorter the ceremony the better. You have already held the services, and don't need to put yourself through that all over again. But you do need to say goodbye.

I really feel it is best to put the ashes in some form of container in a flower arrangement. It will be the easiest on those attending. Usually, you hold the service, then after everyone has said something, two people gently place or lower the basket in the water while music plays. That is the end of the ceremony. If you want to scatter further out than whatever dock you have, you can have two people in a rowboat decorated with flowers nearby. The music will cue them to lower the ashes.

Some people prefer to literally "scatter", but as I said, with the wind and everything, that can lead to unpleasant consequences. If you do scatter the ashes, then flowers or petals are usually thrown into the water immediately afterwards.

Either way, maybe each person can be given a single rose or a handful of petals and take turns tossing them in, one by one, while saying goodbye.

Earlier in the day, set up an area with cool drinks and seating in a different area, preferably not viewable from the place where you hold the ceremony. Let people know beforehand where to go afterwards, and designate one or more people to be an "usher". Some people may choose to stand at the water for awhile, but those who wish to leave the area sooner should have someone to quietly guide them to the other area without disturbing those still in quiet contemplation.

A small memorial booklet with a picture and a poem can be made up if you would like to remove all confusion as to when the ceremony is over, like:

Opening song: Greensleeves

Introduction by Father Jones

Sharing of Memories

Prayer by Father Jones

Closing song: Flowers of the Forest

After the closing song, please join us for refreshments on the terrace.


(If it is not your family's style to be this somber, and you want to choose when to break the mood, you can also close things out with a rousing toast, or start playing your wife's favorite lighthearted song and lead everyone as a group over to the gathering place. My family is trained to follow a piper anywhere, so my brother will usually lead us away playing the bagpipes. We then have a celeigh with singing, dancing, and serious drinking).

I'll be thinking of y'all Paul. How sweet that you are giving her what she wanted.

Corny maybe but I've left wishes to have What a Wonderful World/Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole played for me. It just sums up what I feel about life in those two songs. Though it's not a happy bouncy song.

As for Memorial Day, We are putting red poppies on our soldiers graves.

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

I think I'll call my Great Uncle too. He's 94 this year to say thanks for all he did for us. He still looks so dapper in his uniform.

I was at a function last night where there was a short presentation by the Blue Star Mothers of Massachusetts. Older RFers remember the little banners with stars that were popular during WW2. The tradition is back, and I have seen little banners around town with one or 2 blue stars on them. One star is for each child on active duty. The first speaker has 2 blue stars for her 2 Marines. The second mom has one blue star, but she is also the state blue to gold contact. Mothers get a gold star for each child killed in action. She attends to each family in the state that has lost a loved one. She has been to one funeral home in Worcester 4 times. She is, I think, one of the bravest people that I have ever met. What a tough job, and what a labor of love. BTW, the Blue Star Mothers are non political. Why or if we should be in the war is not a topic for discussion. The organization exists for mutual support and prayers that the children come home alive.

quote:

Originally posted by Adjudicator

Alas, Memorial Day for me will only signify a much needed day of rest. Early the next morining I must again start my ignition and head off to Atlanta for yet another useless meeting & such that could really be accomplished with a conference call. 10 hours driving time, 2 nights in a motel, et.al. All for a 6 hour business conference. I want to thank the taxpayers of Georgia who will be paying for my little sojurn. Usually, the typical amount for trips such as this are around $600.00 or so. I have another "trip" scheduled two weeks later. It will only cost taxpayers around $400.00 for that one. But wait! In September I will be taking yet another trip. For this particular journey, the cost will probably be only around $1400.00 . In the meantime, as for my NEXT scheduled trip, I will be able to accomplish nothing at my place of business. My entire week has been shot except for one day. For those of you who may sometimes wonder why your state government is so slow sometimes to react to your inquiries...; well now you know.

About ten years ago I was required to day trip Japan from the east coast...yes, Japan to attend a staff meeting. The entire meeting was conducted in Japanese (I speak almost no Japanese) and in a room heated to about 85F. One of the more bizarre experiences in working for a Japanese company. I was there to show that we were an international company. I was in Japan less than eighteen hours and don't remember a single moment of the meeting. I flew business class so the ticket was in the 6-7 thousand dollar range. Total waste of money...I charged it back to the home office.

I generally spend time with family over Memorial weekend and leave my conducting duties over to my assistant conductor and I head to NY to visit family graves and relatives and such.
This year, however, my assistant is training to be a conductor for an Air Force band, leaving me to the duties. So, we'll be playing Saturday at a festival and then on Monday at the town cemetery.
In addition, I'm playing a Memorial weekend concert with another band and then directing the choir for the National Decoration Day services on May 30th at Arlington NAt'l Cemetery, which is put on by the Sons of the Union Army.
Not that I have a problem with honoring the dead, but after this weekend with 4 concerts, 3 rehearsals and a memorial mass on Sun, when it's all said and done, I think I'll be ready for a long weekend of my own.

I teach my children it is not on the same line as the 4th of July. I become infuriated when I see other children march in parades "Happy Memorial Day." It is a day we remember those soldiers who died. We march to remember. Yeah, we barbecue and get together. But we must remember what it is, never to become "Happy Memorial Day."

Scorereader,

Thank You for contributing your time and talents to assist others (us) in enjoying the programs where you will be performing. I can think of nothing that adds more indirect support to those who participate in Memorial Day Services, anywhere, Than the music in the program, be it the band or orchestra playing a March, a choir rendition, or even the "Amazing Grace" from a single Piper.
I hope when it is all over that you are able to enjoy the 'Rest of the Just'.