Roadfood jokes!

The new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job.
He kept favoring curry.


Did you hear that Jack In The Box is coming out with a new drink?
It's called E. cola. (oops, maybe that belongs in the FF forum)

Moments before a famous Shakespearean actor was to perform Hamlet to a packed house in New York, he dropped dead. The house manager solemnly went onstage and announced, "We are sorry to bring you this news, but our performance tonight has been canceled due to the untimely demise of our featured performer."

From the back of the theater a voice cried out, "Give him some chicken soup!"

Startled, the stage manager cleared his throat and replied, "I apologize if in my grief I have not made my solemn message clear. The man is deceased."

Once again, but more emphatically the voice rang out, "Give him some chicken soup!"

Having had about enough, the manager bellowed back, "Sir, the man is dead. Giving him chicken soup couldn't possibly help."

To which the voice replied, "It couldn't hurt!"

Sort of a food joke:

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY,
COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
FIX THE LIGHTS NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS,
THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT?

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO

FINE, SHE SAYS,
THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK!

I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS.
HE SAYS, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS........................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME.

AS HE NEARS THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED.

JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME
WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.

HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID,
SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO..
DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN
ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

All these cannibals are sitting around the dinner table. One guy turns to the guy next to him and says, "You know, I hate to tell you this, but I really can't stand your brother-in-law."
The other guy replies, "So just eat the noodles."

quote:

Originally posted by shortchef

All these cannibals are sitting around the dinner table. One guy turns to the guy next to him and says, "You know, I hate to tell you this, but I really can't stand your brother-in-law."
The other guy replies, "So just eat the noodles."

Then one of the kids said "Mommy I hate my sister's guts." His mother then said "shut up and eat what's put in front of you."

These two from my 7-year-old neighbor:

What do cats call mice on skateboards?
"Meals on Wheels"

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the cheesecake

Time to revive this thread...

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

quote:

Originally posted by GB944

Time to revive this thread...

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

"The change must come from within"

(shall I totally finish the joke?.. or keep them guessing?

---------------------------------------

What do you make from baked beans and onions?

Tear Gas...
(wha wha whaaaaa)

quote:

Originally posted by Greymo

A cannibal's favourite game is 'swallow the leader'

Thats Monica Lewinskys favorite game too. hahaha I know, the joke is a "little" dated.

Since I heard this while sitting at the counter of Kewpee Lunch in Racine, Wisconsin, a Roadfood classic, I guess you can call this a Roadfood joke.

What is the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish sheep farmer?

The Rolling Stones sing, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud".
The Scottish sheep farmer says, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe"!