Stop me if you've heard this one....

A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog truck and says, "Make me one with everything."
 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
 
 
So he pays the vendor with a $20 but gets only the hot dog in return. "Hey!" the Buddhist exclaims, "Where's my change?" The vendor looks him in the eye & says: "Change must come from within."

Sorry Mosca, you get a 1 on the Laugh Meter.
And, there will be no change in that either.
 
Hey, are you going to El Paso for New Year's Eve----there is
going to be a big shindig out there.
 
 

the ancient mariner


Sorry Mosca, you get a 1 on the Laugh Meter.
And, there will be no change in that either.

Hey, are you going to El Paso for New Year's Eve----there is
going to be a big shindig out there.

 
Naw, I'm working that day. We got an email from Rev Doyle, though, warning "For those who will cheer on the Irish at the Sun Bowl in beautiful El Paso, enjoy the legendary hospitality of our host city. Please be aware that Ciudad Juarez, the city directly across the border from El Paso, is currently one of the most violent cities in Mexico and should be avoided.  There is an active State Department warning for Mexico, which you can read at: http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/tw/tw_4755.html.  "

It really is crazy when we have to be warned about possible violence.
It's a lot better to be warned than getting mugged or shot I guess, but it sure is a crazy world. 
I was in El Paso a long time ago---Pancho Villa, Billy the Kid, Santa Ana and Michael Hoffman and  all those other notorious guys were there. 
 
They all met at Joe Rogo's Window Store.  He was probably
the ring leader, a bad dude..  I was with John Wayne and Wyatt Earp.  The Lone Ranger got lost because his faithful companion Tonto followed the wrong trail, they ended up at Disney World. 

One on the laugh meter, how about,  A guy meets 2 beautiful lesbians at a hotel bar, after about an hour of drinking he tells them, I wanna watch, they gave hin a Timex!

I don't get it. 
Oh wait a minute---he meant -------
 
Another 1 on the laugh meter
 
Sorry bout that CTF, I didn't get the brie you promised so I had to be honest.

the ancient mariner

 I don't get it. 
Oh wait a minute---he meant -------

Another 1 on the laugh meter

Sorry bout that CTF, I didn't get the brie you promised so I had to be honest.

 
That Tonto was a wise cracker....

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. 
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 
'No,' she answered. I then said, 
'Is that your final answer?' 
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' 
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." 
I should be able to walk normal real soon.

Guy says to his friend, do you know how to keep a tuykey in suspense, guy says, no, how? Other guy says I'll tell you later turkey.

Irish guy is drunk in a bar, says to his 2 buddies, I just got a talking clock, it's incredible. The 2 start laughing at him about a talking clock, so when the Pub closes he takes them back to his apartment, walks them into his bedroom and there next to the bed is a huge gong. He hits it a good smack and an ungodly bong sounds, from the apartment behind them a voice shouts, "what the hell you doing, it's 3:30 in the morning."

 
Joe Rogo gets a 7 on the laugh meter for the Millionaire joke
and a 5 for the Lone Ranger Joke---- his delivery screwed him up---the Pennsylvania accent did not sound like the Lone Ranger at all.
 
CTF has to go back to kindergarden and even then stay after school.
Turkey jokes got gobbled up in November---stay with the program Chewy. And Irish guys don't get drunk----stop with the rumors please, you are getting me very upset.  Always with the Irish drunk jokes, oh please !!!!!
 
Did you hear the one-----a limo driver pulls up to an Irish farmer and asks the distance to Dublin-------The farmer s-l-o-w-l-y eyes the limo from front to back---and answers----"Well, it's 12 miles, BUT with a KAR that long you'll do it in 9"---Now thats a true story told to me by my sainted Uncle Pat. ----------------------adding a brough to the answer makes it better.
 
And then there was the one------
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I was performing at a local coffeehouse. A rabbi came on before me. He said he was probably the only rabbi there. Being an ordained (mail order) minister, I stood up and said, "I'm a minister! Is there a priest in the house who wants to go to a bar with us afterwards?"
 
Bart

the ancient mariner


 
Joe Rogo gets a 7 on the laugh meter for the Millionaire joke
and a 5 for the Lone Ranger Joke---- his delivery screwed him up---the Pennsylvania accent did not sound like the Lone Ranger at all.

CTF has to go back to kindergarden and even then stay after school.
Turkey jokes got gobbled up in November---stay with the program Chewy. And Irish guys don't get drunk----stop with the rumors please, you are getting me very upset.  Always with the Irish drunk jokes, oh please !!!!!

Did you hear the one-----a limo driver pulls up to an Irish farmer and asks the distance to Dublin-------The farmer s-l-o-w-l-y eyes the limo from front to back---and answers----"Well, it's 12 miles, BUT with a KAR that long you'll do it in 9"---Now thats a true story told to me by my sainted Uncle Pat. ----------------------adding a brough to the answer makes it better.

And then there was the one------

Ancient One, you get a 0 for spelling, it's brogue, but I immediatly picked up on the -----------------------------Irish accent when you did it, good thinking!