Alright, I'm back.
I'd just like everyone to know why I'm leaving. Just look at the post below:
Originally posted by Bushie
This is one of the funniest threads I've seen in a long time.
Could that be anymore sarcastic and rude? Note that the poster (Bushie, if that's his real name) uses the word "seen" but then has a smily that resembles Ray Charles with liver failure. Note that Ray Charles was blind (I suppose technically he still is). So he's saying (in your Roadfood Insider code that I'm not privy to) that this really isn't one of the funnier threads.
Now, back to the farts. A few problems here. My statistician and good friend Ed Begley III (a dead ringer for his dad except that the lisp is on the other side and he's 2 feet shorter than the old man)has screwed up the counting and we are only at 2997. This is a problem since I am loaded with 35 pounds of compacted foodstuffs, water-based gels, some quarters I swallowed as a kid, and booze. I can't fart 3 times without the Titanic hitting an iceberg, as my colon is pretty low right know.
I had guessed that my 3000th fart would have some entertainment value. I only invited Peter O'Toole (The 84 year-old Irish porn star, not the actor) and a local actor/singer/dancer/poet/marksman named G. Gordon Lightfoot, whose act consists of singing Gordon Lightfoot songs while heavily armed in full body armor, snapping the necks or cutting the hamstrings of unsuspecting fans who wander too close to him. It's fun, but the shows usually last less than 3 minutes, and nobody will insure him.
Part of the problem with this site is that too many of you don't post enough about food as I do and post stupid useless crap instead. The internet is not a toy.
Oh crap. 2998 just went off. I need to call a helicopter.
I'll miss all of you. Stevekoe, Bushie. My goal was to hit 3000 farts before Roosy got her 10,000th post. It's gonna be close.