Here is a funny taste test of 11 cheap wines.
For the taste test, we gathered 11 different bottles of wine: five of Mad Dog (Hawaiian Blue, Lightning Creek, Pink Grapefruit, Red Grape Wine and Wild Berry), two Boone's (Snow Creek Berry and Strawberry Hill), two Wild Irish Rose varieties (regular and White Label), a bottle of Thunderbird and a bottle of Night Train. Then we tasted. Here's the findings:
Out of the 11 samples, Boone's Snow Creek Berry was the best tasting of all the samples, but to no surprise. The lightly carbonated drink is only about five percent alcohol, while many of the other samples had more than three times that amount. It was sweet, fruity and fresh, and the taste of alcohol was almost non-existent.
Boone's Strawberry Hill variety ranked No. 2 on the list, weighing in at 7.5 percent alcohol. The alcohol was a bit more prevalent and the wine had a bit of a sharp taste - drinkable, yet not as enjoyable as the Snow Creek Berry. Again though, the relatively small amount of alcohol almost nullifies Boone's from the contest, and forces it to stand alone in its own lightweight wine category.
The Mad Dog flavors were the next most successful in the taste test, with the Pink Grapefruit flavor ranking No. 3, after the weaker Boone's. At 13.5 percent alcohol, Pink Grapefruit was fairly smooth and had less of a church-wine taste than the rest of the MD 20/20 flavors. It was tangy and not too sweet, for a somewhat refreshing flavor.
Wild Berry Mad Dog (13.5 percent alcohol) was the next best, but was quite sweet and sharp and had a lasting aftertaste. Mad Dog's Red Grape Wine (18 percent alcohol) followed at No. 5, the first drink to ever make me hurl. The wine was quite sweet, a bit dry and very grapey, but still drinkable. At No. 6 was Lightning Creek (17 percent alcohol), the clear variety of Mad Dog for all of you who don't like artificial colors in your food. The smell of rubbing alcohol and a taste of watered-down alcohol made this selection the turning point in the tasting, and the wines went downhill from here.
Next in line was the potent Thunderbird (18 percent alcohol) - with "An American Classic" as the slogan on the bottle. With its strong alcohol flavor, Thunderbird is strong at first taste, but it doesn't linger on the palate as much as some of the other selections, mainly the Wild Irish Rose and the Hawaiian Blue Mad Dog, which followed Thunderbird for a No. 8 ranking. With its 2,000 Flushes aqua blue color, alcohol flavor and a hint of coconut, Hawaiian Blue coats your system like a good bathtub scum, with its only redeeming quality being it's a pretty color.
Wild Irish Rose Wine (18 percent) ranked in at No. 9, with its red color, hint of grape flavor and plain taste. Not very tasty, to say the least. The infamous Night Train (18 percent) pulled into the station at No. 10, pushing a train wreck for anyone who could top of the entire bottle of wine. It had a rather nasty, pungent and incarcerating taste and side effects to back up its poor reputation.
Coming in last was Wild Irish Rose's White Label (18 percent alcohol), a harsh, sharp and brutal wine without any flavor whatsoever. The White Label produced breath of fire, and left nothing to be desired.
For all its worth, cheap wine still has its virtues, even if it doesn't have a very desirable taste. All but the Boone's could probably get you drunk for less than the price of the average beer at the average bar. So if drunk's what you want, and $3 is all you've got, a not-so-good bottle of wine is all you need to cure those sobriety blues. "All aboard