Amusing Christmas Stories

I know it's not Roadfood related......but.......since it was Christmas and probably NOBODY was out eating Roadfood, we must have a few amusing tales to share.

1) Tebay and the doggie sweater story:
Tebay is an 80 lb. golden lab/golden retreiver owned by my best friend. Some silly friend of hers decided that this big dog deserved a little "cutesie red and white with snowflakes on it" sweater. WRONG. Put it on her and laughed our heads off when she acted like she had been SHOT by an arrow. No movement, head down, eyes looking at us like, "how would you like to be humiliated by THIS?"

2) Megan got run over by a reindeer story:
A female reporter named Megan (I believe from KTUU) was sent on assignment to the town of North Pole, Alaska to do some kind of Christmas Eve report. So here she has this reindeer next to her with the leash in her hand (presumably Dancer or Prancer), standing out in front of Santa's home (oh, I've seen it and been there, tacky as all hell). So kindly little Megan stoops down to pat the reindeer and start her Christmas story when all of a sudden......WHOOSH!... Dancer knocks her on her butt! Just stomped on her and knocked her over! She was unhurt and got up outta the snow.....so that's what made the story funny.

3) Calling the folks back in the Lower 48 that are hard of hearing.
"You got snow up there?" says Uncle Joe. "Oh yeah, says I, 65 inches since it started falling." He says,"oh that's nice". I'm thinking, what's so nice about 65 inches for folks that live in Morgantown, WV? So I say, "Uncle Joe, what's so nice about 65 inches of snow?" Reply: "What?????? SIXTEEN INCHES?"
NO, NO, NO, SIXTY FIVE INCHES!
We had to change the conversation to ravioli.......

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and have some amusing stories to tell! Especially about the kids and grandkids.....

Our family had just sat down for Christmas dinner, a large meal with many, many wonderful homemade favorites, when the doorbell rang. It was my dad's niece and her minister husband. They were returning home from a visit to our town and stopped by to say hello.

Of course they were invited to join us, an invitation they couldn't refuse if they had to, since mom was such an outstanding cook.

So, we are eating away when my cousin says, "Reverend James did such and such yesterday". The rest of us looked at one another wondering if we had heard her correctly. Subsequent conversation revealed that she always added "Reverend" when referring to her husband in the third person. But then she turned to him, and said, "Reverend James, will thou pass the cornbread dressing." This affectation just about did us in, and three of us had to excuse themselves to run outside and vent our suppressed laughter.

Thankfully, they never noticed and we all had a big time.

One night a few weeks ago, spouse called and said he was going to be home late because he was going to an auction. I said, "Why don't you come home now? The roads are icy. Nobody will be out tonight." He said, "That's what I'm hoping because I stopped at the auction house at lunchtime and there's something neat there but it will probably go for too high a price."

About 9 P.M., there was a horn beeping in the driveway and I went out to see his purchase - a real CLAW MACHINE! Or as it said on the top of the claw part - Lucky Crane. It was $20 but didn't work so he took it over to an elderly neighbor who's good at tinkering with machinery. For another $20 in parts, it was fixed. I went to the dollar store and got stuffed animals, packs of playing cards, watches and other goodies to fill it up.

We moved it into our basement rec room the Monday before Christmas and covered it with a sheet, planning for it to become the final stop in teen daughter's Christmas morning scavenger hunt. But when she and a bunch of friends came over on Tuesday night, they found it.

It's of 80's vintage and has colored lights inside and costs a quarter to play. It's also as much of a ripoff as they ever were in those seashore arcades - requiring about $7.00 worth of quarters to snag a $1.00 toy. Our basement is now known as Claw World and I'm sure this Christmas will go down in family legends as the year Santa found a $20 claw machine.

How fun! I loved that part of "Toy Story" where the toys worship the claw as a god. Once, my nephew chose to use his only quarter on one of those games and I told him it was a ripoff, but he insisted I do it for him. Miraculously, I just picked up a toy like it was nothing. I never dared try it again, it was such a fluke.

This Xmas my nephew opened up a present and it was Roadfood. Cool. But he turned to the front and I saw it was signed. I cried foul and my brother, giggling, took it away from him, busted. Apparantly he had gone around my mother's house and wrapped random items he found. But he made his big mistake when he messed with Roadfood.

Well every year for the last seven years Uncle Punk got drunk (I'm not kidding his nickname is Punk) and fell into the Christmas tree. After the first few times this happened we began to think he was trying to keep the tradition going. But if you were there you would have to agree that he was either a great actor or really unlucky and drunk. I just believe he was drunk and unlucky.
This past year his health declined and the doctor ordered him to give up the sauce. And thankfully he did.
Christmas Eve he was sitting in my favorite chair next to the tree drinking a coke, the cat climbed up the tree, and tree fell on him!

He had a drink right after that.