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 My original Lawyer Joke

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catnhatnh

  • Total Posts: 192
  • Joined: 9/7/2006
  • Location: Rochester, NH
My original Lawyer Joke Sat, 10/11/08 8:31 PM (permalink)
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a blood sucking leech?

A: When you die, the blood sucking leech drops off, but the lawyer hangs on for probate.

Disclaimer: I know several lawyers and actually like some. This is humor people. Add a joke if you have one or pass this on to the lawyers in your life (AFTER they've billed you-never before).
 
#1
    Lexi

    • Total Posts: 248
    • Joined: 5/26/2004
    • Location: Chappaqua, NY
    RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 12:28 PM (permalink)
    I have two (but then again my ex is lawyer so I think I get a bonus round)

    Q: What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
    A: A good start


    Q: California has the most lawyers; NJ has the most toxic waste dumps - how come?
    A: NJ got first pick!
     
    #2
      porkbeaks

      • Total Posts: 2201
      • Joined: 5/6/2005
      • Location: Hoschton/Braselton, GA
      RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 12:39 PM (permalink)
      It's been reported that many research scientists have started using lawyers in place of lab rats. It seems there are some things a rat won't do. pb
       
      #3
        fattybomatty

        • Total Posts: 1017
        • Joined: 4/10/2008
        • Location: North Plainfield, NJ
        RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 12:53 PM (permalink)
        Lawyer's club
        A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

        "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."

        The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers--we had $100 when we broke in!"
         
        #4
          Guilty One

          • Total Posts: 204
          • Joined: 4/19/2008
          • Location: Oakland, CA
          RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 2:16 PM (permalink)
          There is a cool painting you might have seen.

          It's a court room and the judge says something like: Counselors, Please approach the Bench.

          The judge is straight ahead with audience on the left and right.

          The middle is water with two sharks swimming towards the judge.
           
          #5
            cavandre

            • Total Posts: 1597
            • Joined: 3/14/2008
            • Location: Melbourne, FL
            RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 4:57 PM (permalink)
            A lawyer-physics joke...

            Q: If you drop a lawyer & a (fill in the blank of any other profession you're not fond of...IRS Agent, TV Preacher, etc.)at exactly the same momemt, which one hits the pavement first?

            A: Do you really care!
             
            #6
              chenning3

              • Total Posts: 6
              • Joined: 12/17/2005
              • Location: pittsburgh, PA
              RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 5:57 PM (permalink)
              One of the funnier ones I have heard was "It is so cold in Pittsburgh this morning the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets."
               
              #7
                NYNM

                • Total Posts: 3037
                • Joined: 6/16/2005
                • Location: New York, NY/Santa Fe, NM
                RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 6:24 PM (permalink)
                I will add another, although its only tangentially about lawyers.

                Miton Berle (remember him?) is credited with it:

                "My mom was on jury duty this week but the lawyers and judge didn't want her. She kept saying the she was guilty."
                 
                #8
                  No Talent

                  • Total Posts: 262
                  • Joined: 4/22/2008
                  • Location: Berkeley, CA
                  RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 6:49 PM (permalink)
                  quote:
                  Originally posted by NYNM


                  Milton Berle is credited with it:

                  "My mom was on jury duty this week but the lawyers and judge didn't want her. She kept saying that she was guilty."



                  That was great. Classic Uncle Milton.
                   
                  #9
                    Lexi

                    • Total Posts: 248
                    • Joined: 5/26/2004
                    • Location: Chappaqua, NY
                    RE: My original Lawyer Joke Mon, 10/13/08 7:50 PM (permalink)
                    Oh...I remembered one more!

                    Q: A lawyer fell into the ocean. A shark swam by but did not eat him - why?

                    A: Professional courtesy!
                     
                    #10
                      ROHfan

                      • Total Posts: 89
                      • Joined: 8/30/2006
                      • Location: West Babylon, NY
                      RE: My original Lawyer Joke Thu, 04/25/13 9:36 AM (permalink)
                      marrie11


                      Once you suffer whiplash injuries as results of a automotive accident, you will likely notice some differences in your quality of life, particularly at first. Initially, you may actually notice pain as nearly all whiplash injuries bring pain to the person who has suffered this sort of injury and you’ll notice other symptoms that may keep you from happening with your life.



                      ___________________



                       
                      Uhhhh, what?
                       
                      #11
                        Scorereader

                        • Total Posts: 5546
                        • Joined: 8/4/2005
                        • Location: Crofton, MD
                        RE: My original Lawyer Joke Thu, 04/25/13 1:16 PM (permalink)
                        What is the difference between a lawyer and a liar?...the spelling.
                         
                        How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?... His lips are moving.
                         
                        Why can't the Irishman be a lawyer? ...He has trouble passing the bar.
                         
                        Lawyers are not dogs, they are better than dogs! please, Dogs never actually catch the ambulance.
                         
                        How does a lawyer sleep? First he lies on one side, then he turns over and lies on the other side. 
                         
                        What do you call a smiling, courteous and sober person at a bar association convention?...The caterer.
                         
                        How do you can tell if someone is a good lawyer or bad lawyer? The bad lawyer's case will drag on for years and years, the good lawyer's case will last longer.
                         
                        #12
                          kland01s

                          • Total Posts: 2835
                          • Joined: 3/14/2003
                          • Location: Fox River Valley, IL
                          RE: My original Lawyer Joke Thu, 04/25/13 1:21 PM (permalink)
                          Scorereader

                            The bad lawyer's case will drag on for years and years, the good lawyer's case will last longer.

                           
                          Just like this thread which was started in 2008.
                           
                          #13
                            Scorereader

                            • Total Posts: 5546
                            • Joined: 8/4/2005
                            • Location: Crofton, MD
                            RE: My original Lawyer Joke Thu, 04/25/13 2:34 PM (permalink)
                            I must have missed it the first go around.
                             
                            thanks to the bizzare, probably spam, post my marrie11 for giving it another run.
                             
                             
                             
                            #14
                              FriedClamFanatic

                              • Total Posts: 1493
                              • Joined: 7/14/2008
                              • Location: west chester, PA
                              RE: My original Lawyer Joke Thu, 04/25/13 4:26 PM (permalink)
                              Once upon a time...........There was a good, nice, truthful lawyer........................SERIOUSLY!
                               
                              #15
                                chewingthefat

                                • Total Posts: 6093
                                • Joined: 11/22/2007
                                • Location: Emmitsburg, Md.
                                RE: My original Lawyer Joke Thu, 04/25/13 5:21 PM (permalink)
                                Once upon a time.......There was a good, nice, truthful lawyer..............JUST KIDDING!
                                 
                                #16
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