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 I Have A Dilemma

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CNW

  • Total Posts: 182
  • Joined: 6/27/2004
  • Location: Overland Park, KS
I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 12:04 AM (permalink)
My dilemma is this. A young lady I know asked me if she could use my address in order to apply to college. She is a high school junior who is the daughter of immigrants. Her parents are very traditional and have arranged her marriage to a young man who lives in the home country. She is supposed to travel there after graduating from high school to get married and will then return with her new husband to go to college. While she has been raised in a home that is very traditional, she considers herself to be a modern American women. Financial help from her parents for college is dependant on her marrying this man. She wants to use my address to receive mail regarding colleges and financial aid so that she can have a back up plan when she tells her parents that she won't marry the man.
 
In other situations I would immediately so no. However, in this situation I am tempted to say yes. I know of several arranged marriages between a women raised in the United States and a foreign man. In none of these cases has the marriage worked. The women's families have regretted the marriage in every case. The men have beaten them, raped them, and embezzled from them.
 
What would you do?
 
CNW
 
#1
    jeepguy

    • Total Posts: 1555
    • Joined: 3/29/2004
    • Location: chicago, IL
    Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 3:40 AM (permalink)
    Maybe you should marry her.
     
    #2
      BackRhodes

      • Total Posts: 652
      • Joined: 6/14/2011
      • Location: Mendocino County, CA
      Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 4:17 AM (permalink)
      Heh heh...!!!
       
      Hang on...I'll go get a prayer shawl...
       
      Seriously, CNW...I'd be very leary...
       
      It not only could be a liability on several levels, but you might also get to talk with ICE in the middle of the night if they have a need to visit you (and her, who is supposed to also be living there)...
       
      Where does she live now...???
       
      What is her current means of support...???
       
      Where is her nearest relative...???
       
      Under what circumstances did you met her...online, at work, or in a social situation...???
       
      Why were you the person she asked, of all the people in this world, and not somebody else...
       
      While on the surface it might seem like an altruistic thing to do, it could also be setting you up for trouble you'd never want in a million years...such as a fiance that is a mental case and beats women...???  Her overstaying her vis and you get raided...???  What if they clean out your bank acct...???
       
      If it sounds like there could be serious problems, there probably will be serious problems...it could all blow up in your face in a split second...
       
      If it were me I'd decline the arrangement... 
       
      #3
        kennyb

        • Total Posts: 374
        • Joined: 1/19/2009
        • Location: paola, KS
        Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 8:59 AM (permalink)
        sounds like the same thing that just happened here a few months ago. that gal staged her own abduction to get away from an arranged marriage.
         
        #4
          kland01s

          • Total Posts: 2835
          • Joined: 3/14/2003
          • Location: Fox River Valley, IL
          Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 9:21 AM (permalink)
          Can't she rent a post box somewhere?
           
          #5
            Mosca

            • Total Posts: 2929
            • Joined: 5/26/2004
            • Location: Mountain Top, PA
            Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 9:55 AM (permalink)
            I thought the same thing kland01s did. She can get a PO box. The address thing just sounds like trouble.
             
            #6
              eruby

              • Total Posts: 584
              • Joined: 2/28/2008
              • Location: Carroll County, People's Republic of Maryland
              • Roadfood Insider
              Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 10:17 AM (permalink)
              kland01s


              Can't she rent a post box somewhere?
              This.
               
              I'm a bitter cynic, but this can't be good for you. 

               
              #7
                wheregreggeats.com

                Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 1:54 PM (permalink)
                From one aspect ... it is just a mailing address.
                If she uses it and gets mail there, that is exactly what it is ... a mailing address.
                Her name will get mixed with yours on the web and credit reports (only an indication of how out of control big brother is getting in Internet days).
                So long as there is no fraud ... it isn't fraudulent.   You aren't signing anything.  If she rented a room that would be her address.
                Meanwhile, despite all of the above ... something is bound to bite you in the ass as a reward for your good deed.
                 
                #8
                  rumaki

                  • Total Posts: 966
                  • Joined: 3/1/2008
                  • Location: Minneapolis, MN
                  Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 3:09 PM (permalink)
                  I'd just note that the initial post says nothing about this young woman being an alien.  It says she's the daughter of immigrants.  I assume she is a U.S. citizen.
                   
                  I'd be concerned that there may be problems with her college applications if her physical residence is a factor, either in the admissions process or for her financial aid applications (in-state tuition, for instance).  
                   
                  Sounds to me like she needs some competent legal advice.  http://www.umkc.edu/womenc/services/legal_services.asp
                   
                  And so do you, if you are seriously considering doing this.  
                   
                   
                  #9
                    BuddyRoadhouse

                    • Total Posts: 4074
                    • Joined: 12/10/2004
                    • Location: Des Plaines, IL
                    Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 4:05 PM (permalink)
                    I'm with rumaki.  We're assuming this woman is herself an immigrant.  If she was born here in the U.S., she is a citizen and that changes the complexion of the whole matter.  People use friend's and relative's addresses in states where they are applying to college all the time.
                     
                    HOWEVER, as others have pointed out, there are some other, more personal issues here that could come back to haunt you.  There are lots of college funding options available to anyone who wants to do the research and fill out the paperwork.  If this woman truly considers herself to be a "modern American woman", then she should look into those options and tell her parents thanks but no thanks on the arranged marriage and be prepared to deal with the consequences.
                     
                    If this were a close friend or relative asking for this favor I wouldn't think twice about helping them out.  For a casual acquaintance with this many personal complications, I would look into all the legal implications before saying yes.
                     
                    Buddy
                     
                    #10
                      fishtaco

                      • Total Posts: 740
                      • Joined: 5/11/2010
                      • Location: Roachdale, IN
                      Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 4:20 PM (permalink)
                      Just say no.
                       
                      #11
                        Tony Bad

                        Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 4:55 PM (permalink)
                        BuddyRoadhouse

                        People use friend's and relative's addresses in states where they are applying to college all the time.

                         
                        Many schools require proof of residency, such as name on utilities, tax bills, or driver's license or other ID.
                         
                        #12
                          mayor al

                          • Total Posts: 15057
                          • Joined: 8/20/2002
                          • Location: Louisville area, Southern Indiana
                          • Roadfood Insider
                          Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 5:39 PM (permalink)
                          Yeah, There are several unanswered questions here...and without further information I would vote DON'T DO IT.
                          Question 1- The girl's citizenship status?  AND her Age. Will she be emanicpated by the time she graduates?
                          Question 2- What is your relationship with her?  With her Parents? or with any of the potential post-secondary Ed locations she is considering?
                          If she applies for Fin Aid, whether local or Federal there are penalties for fraudulent application info, especially for residence requirements. As a former University Admissions Director who was involved with MANY of these sort of 'ignore the rules, everyone does it' situations, I can only say that it would be your dumb luck to be the one in 50 that got prosecuted . Providing any paper support (fake address being one of those) can be considered to be part of the fraud.  She has nothing to lose in that case...You DO !!
                          Admissions rules are by no means FAIR !!  My daughter was an Idaho resident who completed 2 years at a college there. She wanted to come to live with us in SoCal to finish her degree in California.  The college she chose (A Cal-State Campus) demanded proof of residency as was mentioned by someone else in another post--rent receipt, utility bill, drivers licence...
                          HOWEVER illegal aliens coming from a land to the south of us, had no "foreign citizen, or Out of State fees added to their Bill. They were considered residents from the day they entered the State. FAIR- No  Reality- Yes !
                          I recommend you back away gracefully from a potential nightmare for you.
                           
                          #13
                            sk bob

                            • Total Posts: 1801
                            • Joined: 12/29/2005
                            • Location: South Daytona, FL
                            Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 8:44 PM (permalink)
                            DON'T DO IT!!!!
                            just say NO.
                            way too many complications going on there.
                             
                            #14
                              chefbuba

                              • Total Posts: 1949
                              • Joined: 6/22/2009
                              • Location: Near You, WA
                              Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 9:03 PM (permalink)
                              I let a friend's 18 yr old stay with me for a couple of weeks, he used my address (unknown by me) when he opened a bank acct.....He overdrew his acct by hundreds of dollars, skipped out on it.
                              2 yrs later I still get regular phone calls and mail for him from collection agencies.
                               
                              #15
                                mar52

                                • Total Posts: 7590
                                • Joined: 4/17/2005
                                • Location: Marina del Rey, CA
                                Re:I Have A Dilemma Mon, 01/23/12 9:57 PM (permalink)
                                If you have to ask....
                                 
                                No!
                                 
                                #16
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