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 The Poisoned Pen - Devastating, Hilarious Restaurant Reviews

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MetroplexJim

  • Total Posts: 3704
  • Joined: 6/24/2007
  • Location: McKinney, TX
The Poisoned Pen - Devastating, Hilarious Restaurant Reviews Sun, 07/28/13 2:10 PM (permalink)
For some perverse reason I truly looked forward to Tom Shales' annual reviews of Kathie Lee Gifford's "Christmas Specials".  And even now, I still truly relish the wicked prose of H.L. Mencken and Hunter S. Thompson.
 
But, Kathie Lee doesn't do Christmas Specials any more.  Shales retired.  Mencken and Thompson have passed. 
 
As a result, the biggest belly-laught I have had in the past few years was gotten by reading the NYT review of Guy Fieri's Times Square eatery:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/restaurant-review-guys-american-kitchen-bar-in-times-square.html?_r=0 .  This opus actually led to an increase in Fieri's business from locals practicing "ironic dining".
 
But, one doesn't have to write for the NYT to wield a searing rapier.  Here is a review I came across about the homely Enon Valley Inn, where I had enjoyed many a fine "Pittsburgh-style" fish sandwich in my youth:
 
What is that smell?
When you leave this place there is a smell of old grease and urinal pucks that clings to your clothes.  Among the locals hanging around, the worst is a crusty old man with greasy hair who always wears the same plaid shirt. He is always there. This guy eating is disgusting. Skanks hover around him. If you have the misfortune to be in this area, RUN - don't walk - past this dump. The area code is ee-ii-ee-ii-oh. Hope you have a full tank of gas to get far away from there.

 

--------------------------

 

I gotta say, he had me at 'urinal cakes'!

Anyone else come across a "colorful" review that they would like to share? 

 
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