My favorite hot dog lies (in no particular order)

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John Fox
Double Chili Cheeseburger
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2013/06/16 07:02:47 (permalink)

My favorite hot dog lies (in no particular order)

1) "We get our dogs made specially for us" Easily the most common lie in the business. Owners say this so that you will think you can only get a particular dog from them. There are exceptions, such as the Galloping Hill Inn and Marci's, but more than 9 times out of 10 it's a lie. I was disappointed to hear this lie repeated twice recently at Rutt's Hut. Of course I didn't sit by quietly but called them on it.

2) "We make our dogs here" Not as common as lie #1, but I've heard it more than a few times. Galloping Hill Inn and Maui's were guilty of this. I ask to see the sausage making equipment.

3)"Our dogs are smaller so we can fit in more toppings" Bull$hit. Get a bigger roll. Many serve smaller dogs, charge the same as those who serve bigger ones and count on you not noticing.

4) "We use skinless dogs because the elderly have a hard time chewing the casing" No you don't. You do it because skinless dogs are cheaper. I've heard this one a lot. Once a guy who was located in an industrial area and served mainly factory workers gave this as a reason. I doubt he had very many elderly customers.

5) "You'll like OUR veggie dogs" Whoever invented this abomination should be shot. If you don't want to eat a real hot dog, get a salad. A real hot dog is made from real meat. Beef. Pork. Veal. Buffalo. Or any combination. Anything made from poultry, fish, or whatever the hell they put in veggie dogs is not a hot dog. I don't care what the label calls it.

6) Adding stupid ingredients like truffles, foie gras, raspberry wasabi sauce, cream cheese, and other assorted crap and calling it a "haute dog" enhances the hot dog. No, it masks the flavor of it. A true hot dog was meant to be enjoyed with mustard and/or a minimum of toppings that enhance, not mask the frankfurter. You wouldn't put this crap on a high quality pastrami sandwich. It's trendy, pretentious, and more often than not the invention of a bored chef. These people ought to be lined up next to the veggie, salmon, and poultry dog people.

7) "It's a hot dog; no one can tell the difference" I get this when I ask why someone is using a cheap, low quality dog. This one may not even belong on the list because in many parts of the country, particularly the south, hardly anyone cares about the actual frank; it's more about the toppings. Especially the slaw in places like Virginia and Carolina where they use a cheap, bland dog.

8) "Our special chili is from a family recipe dating all the way back to the Garden of Eden" Many, if not most hot dog purveyors make their own chili. But a lot use the canned kind (which is not a crime) but try to pass it off as homemade.

9) "You're a hot dog snob" No, I'm not. That term is an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp. We are talking about a simple, unpretentious food. I look for a quality frankfurter, prepared well whether it's in water, deep fried, griddled, grilled, or some combination: at a decent size served hot on a fresh bun. There's no such thing as a hot dog snob, although the "haute dog" people who gussie up their dogs with all sorts of esoteric crap and have them with expensive wine come close.
 
10) "Hot dogs are good for you" I've uttered this one myself in an effort to get my wife off my back for complaining that I eat too many double Italian Hot Dogs. I tried to tell her they are a healthy, well balanced meal containing bread, meat, vegetables, and potatoes. She wasn't having it.
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